I am finding, that i get easily manipulated, aspecially when it comes to other people’s enjoyment. I usually know, when it’s happening and still go along with it. This is supposed to be a lightharted post (not asking for help or empathy, I just hope to know more).
My way of dealing with it is maintain a dubious attitude at all times so people can never figure out if they successfully fucked with you or it’s yet another ruse.
Remember: consent matters. Whatever they do, and for whatever reasons, so long as YOU are okay with it, that’s perhaps all that matters?
Illustration example: a toddler “manipulates” parent, but parent enjoys giving in & playing along.
Well, I usually don’t like it, but I really don’t know how to respond other than playing along.
If you are kind to yourself in the short-term, then you can get through each day as it comes. And then with enough days and effort put into it, after awhile you will learn what you need to in order to overcome. e.g. some people you just need to avoid, always, while others are worth some pain, but you are literally the only one in the entire world who can sort any of that out.
Wow. That was nice. Thanks. I said I’m not here for empathy, but am still thankful for your answer.
Can you provide an example of what you talking about?
I answered someone else. Sorry.
Why do you go along with it? Does it bother you?
For me, at least, it is kind of empathy coupled with social anxiety, regardless of autism or not.
It’s like a defense/coping mechanism to reflect the attitude/tone of the other person to make them feel more comfortable/agreeable imo.
Probably yes to both.
I realized I was similarly getting manipulated and teased in my late teens. Looking back, I think alot of it was down to me missing/misinterpreting social signals and trying to fit in. I was usually aware of what was going on but didn’t know how to extricate myself in a way that wouldn’t bring further ridicule.
Once I became aware of the pattern, I stopped talking to and approaching people. I keep to myself and generally approach social situations from a respectful but hostile and mistrustful position until proven otherwise. I’m trying to break this habit but its difficult after living it for so long.
I think there is nothing wrong with the habit of not trusting people, before they prove themselves.
This is from my journal a couple months ago and was addressed from me to me, so sorry for the authoritative tone, but I thought I worded it slightly better than I usually word things:
When you interact with social cues as a skill, rather than a natural instinct (a bridge I can’t cross - I can observe them and emit fake ones, but it’s always a skill), it is something you start out bad at and improve at, like any skill. The problem is, trying to interact with the world through a lens of social cues and youre bad at it, it leads to things like getting scammed and joining cults. Getting better at it leads to the ability to, whether or not you exercise this ability, scam people and start cults.
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I think it kind of helped to work through two sides of my neurodivergent experience and work more toward an idea that my options were to either become a better manipulator than them through skill (which is a path I’d already started on), or leave social cues as something I read, don’t fake, and assess on the terms of my own values instead of trying to figure out what the assessment would normally be from the group. It seems to be leading me to an approach where I can stand up for myself when it matters, let things go when it’s not important, and ignore what that “should be” I used to grope for is. The goal being to achieve all of that by leaning on being a better you instead of a someone else.
Just a rambly form of my thoughts and the current state of my experience on the subject and maybe I’m just wrong, idk. I really hope the specifics of your situation get better though and good luck!
Manipulated how?
I get that, like when you’re being made fun of, and you become aware of it, but you don’t know what to do about it so you just try to make it so obvious in the hopes it will make the bullies self reflect and stop (which they don’t)
Maybe.
im glad I’ve grown strong, VERY strong against manipulation, forst step was leaving a certain family member behind who manipulated me for 20 years.
Well you can’t always do that.
