Here I am, sitting at home, living my life as usual, more or less. Yet, something changed.
I’m looking at memes and I’m actually laughing. I’m watching the same old shows I always watch on the side, and the same old jokes make laugh. Not just a chuckle here or there as I’m used to, but real, genuine laughter. It’s not like this was completely foreign to me before, but very unusual.
I’ve been struggling with my mental state for most of my life. I still am, and probably will keep doing so. 20 years of unhealthy coping strategies leave their mark. There’s been therapy, there’s been ideas of what might be wrong, though, never a real diagnosis. Nothing excluded as well - “real” diagnosis just didn’t happen.
But now it feels… different. I feel different. For most of my life I’ve been rather disconnected from my emotions. For the last week I’ve been closer to myself than ever before - maybe besides some drug-induced states. I’m almost crying typing this, the good kind of crying, the cathartic one.
And all it took was the realisation that I am no man?
Immediately after starting HRT, I noticed my emotional range get significantly wider, but it came back down close to its usual range, or so I thought. Recent events, about the last week or so, have had me crying inconsolably, and getting caught up in a giggle fit that was a solid 10 minutes of me barely able to open my eyes and laying down was non optional 😆. It’s really nice to actually feel without the emotional equivalent of earplugs.
I’m prone to giggle fits now. Which is wonderful except I have a small child who occasionally triggers them and it can be absolutely debilitating sometimes.
I’ve been on it for 10 months and nada for me. Barely a blip