my garden is a bunch of withering flowers…

craving maternal love, which is like the warmth of the sunlight I need for my photosynthesis, which is something that nobody except one person in the world could provide me, but she keeps withholding it from me and like dangle it in front of me like a carrot on a stick, and I feel so manipulated but i feel like i have no choice because I still feel like I’m still a child… like I don’t feel “adult enough” to venture out in this world alone, and that feeling of love that I crave for… the craving is so intense… its like drug addiction, but for familial affection…

am I weird?

I feel like oxytocin is a sort of mind control chemical…

but then again… it’s terrifying to be alone during this time…

if ICE disappears me, at least living with my family, abiet them being emotionally abusive, at least they are still family and they’ll get a lawyer for me… right? Well lets not have to find out, I do hope that my mother would care for me if ICE grabbed me.

I mean, I remember that night when my mom picked me up from the polcie station after that school fight incident (self-defence btw), I never felt happier to see my parents.

Family is so weird…

I need them… but why do they toy with my emotions so much? 🥺