I just wanted to talk about this a bit. Get it out of my brain and onto paper so to speak.

I’m away from home as I often am. Never with the same crew, though sometimes there are familiar faces. My career attracts the more “rugged” or close-minded types. I won’t say bigoted because that isn’t often true. Just… If it isn’t sports, drinking at bars or stereotypically “manly” it’s grounds for nitpicking. There’s also a meritocratic rank structure and matching uniforms. I’ll let you all deduce what that means on your own.

Anyway, we all made our introductions, talked about the work ahead and went our separate ways. I’ve had great experiences with tabletop gaming at various locations and stages in my career. I was introduced to D&D by a long time friend and regularly play with a group of people from work.

So… I figured I’d make the offer to the group in our text group. I told them if anyone was interested ever, that I brought a bunch of D&D stuff with me as well as some Warhammer 40K stuff and would love to play. We’re here for 8.5 months after all. Might as well play some games.

Immediately I’m met with rude comments by the most senior member of the group (who is not present) that he can’t wait to meet me to bully me for being a nerd. I joke that I’ll save him a spot at the table and another person chimes in that it’s going to be a pretty empty table.

Not many others chimed in. A few laughing emojis were shared and so on. Whatever.

I’m not completely disheartened but it’s certainly a kick in the nuts to make an offer for friendship or be open with people who are just as far away from home as you are and be met with that treatment.

I know in time as others get to know me more they’ll open up or want to join in. I’ve met more nerds and geeks in this line of work than I have outside of it.

I’m also telling myself they’re just afraid of things they don’t know. I won’t disparage their hobbies so I’ll praise my own:

A few times a month I get to sit around a table with some of my closest friends, family and sometimes new faces. I get to create a world with them where we can be free from the endless news cycle, algorithms shoving consumption in our faces and we can be happy together even for just a couple of hours.

Sometimes I sit down at a little desk that I built myself and glue little army men together while my wife sits and crochets next to me and we talk about how our days went. My dog nestled at my feet and cats watching me diligently.

I hunt, I fish, I play rugby, I work on my motorcycles, I powerlift and go shooting. But sometimes its nice to just sit down and enjoy the company of my friends free from social expectations, have a drink, smoke some pot and have a few laughs. I’ll be missing that for nearly a year.

I’m happy to enjoy the things I enjoy. I don’t need other people to validate my enjoyment but it would be nice to have people be kind about it so I don’t have to be made to feel so alone.

I think that’s the feeling I’m trying to get out in this post that’s getting so long now. It was such an isolating feeling. It didn’t have to be. But people who are uncomfortable with what they might see if they looked inside themselves for a moment projected those insecurities on me and isolated me for some cheap laughs. Over a decade in this line of work and I’ve never been met with such revilement. I’ve gamed with some tough and outwardly “scary” motherfuckers. I’ve never been bullied before. I’m in my 30s ffs.

Thanks for reading.