Let’s not forget those of us who had a thick skin (from it) because there was still hope in our hearts that the parade of fuckery couldn’t possibly be “normal”, much less get worse…
Now we’re rattled, fried, cross-wired, and taped together in spite of it all. Like abandoned mining dynamite in the movies. No real fuse left, and a paper-thin wrapper with illegible instructions around a heart that might be as much a dud as take out a city block with a stray spark.
Whee. Let’s hang out in a crate until our collective purpose happens along! 🤣😶
Traumatic growth is real, but its not the thing that necessarily occurs
And crucially: keeping yourself open for things you do not have, being someone who can heal back to something with the same emotional parts as normal leaves you relying on things you don’t have, empty places prone to collapse.
Or you give up on that shit, and patch those gaps with other things to heal; become something alien and strange. Not necessarily better.
Oh we be maladaptive asf up in this bitch. Or more likely always were, in the absence of constructive help in formative years.
But say I want to not be a workaholic burnout anymore, what do you mean by relying on simmering that you don’t have? Is that something you’ve done before?
No I mean if you for example leave room in your heart for supportive friends while not having supportive friends you’re gonna have a much rougher time than if you just close the wound.
Oh. Brutal. Maybe I needed to hear that, there was a part of me that waited for way too long for “found family” until recently. Maybe at least I don’t have to feel bad about giving up on that
It’s not a judgment on whether you should or shouldn’t, but the more you leave in place the standard o0enness to/reliance on a thing, the more not having it is going yo hurt/disable you. That’s not to say it’s a binary. There are creative adaptations and shit¹, and sometimes its smart to hold out, its not purely scar tissue/bleeding. More like having a room for someone to stay, and cleaning out their shit yo be a mechanical room or gym or torture dungeon or whatever. No value judgment here; I’m not your mom.
No, that’s sound. There’s a lot of lip service paid to how fundamentally wrong and what a moral failure it is to ever be lacking something. You know, like in the current crisis of meaning that men in my culture are widely experiencing. But very little discussion about what addressing that lack even looks like, so I appreciate your weighing in. Also for not judging my torture room.
I can only speak from experience, but I’m willing to bet that “bitch-made” is low-effort projection on their part, NGL. 🤌🏼
FWIW, I’ve nearly died/been killed ~7x now, IIRC, and I’m fully fragile AF these days.
While still unreliably heroic in short bursts (like dwarves hunting uruk across the steppe), there’s a hefty non-zero chance that my internal Not Today, Death engine sputters & chokes at the starting line, too. Might even need a flatbed to get to triage. 🤪
No one’s journey is anyone else’s, and those that would judge you for yours in times like these? They’re cowards, and trying to shift the blame to you for how terrified they are that they’d never be able to endure what you’re going through. You can pity them, or tell them to fuck off. Regardless, you’re still a motherfuckin’ badass for sticking with it. 🤘🏼❤️🔥
Don’t suffer the backbirths. You’re better than that.
Thanks Otter. Just knowing it’s plausible helps me string together a through-line that tracks with my experience as I remember it. There’s a realistic narrative missing from my culture about what a man should do after devastation so I appreciate hearing people talk about it in ways that don’t include caricatures of cowardice.
So, so thanks for still being alive to speak your truth. 🤘
Let’s not forget those of us who had a thick skin (from it) because there was still hope in our hearts that the parade of fuckery couldn’t possibly be “normal”, much less get worse…
Now we’re rattled, fried, cross-wired, and taped together in spite of it all. Like abandoned mining dynamite in the movies. No real fuse left, and a paper-thin wrapper with illegible instructions around a heart that might be as much a dud as take out a city block with a stray spark.
Whee. Let’s hang out in a crate until our collective purpose happens along! 🤣😶
Fuck I thought it was just me whose lost resilience. Is this a process that happens often? Why is this even possible?
People in my life been trying to tell me I was just bitch-made the whole time and I’m starting to believe them
Traumatic growth is real, but its not the thing that necessarily occurs
And crucially: keeping yourself open for things you do not have, being someone who can heal back to something with the same emotional parts as normal leaves you relying on things you don’t have, empty places prone to collapse.
Or you give up on that shit, and patch those gaps with other things to heal; become something alien and strange. Not necessarily better.
Oh we be maladaptive asf up in this bitch. Or more likely always were, in the absence of constructive help in formative years.
But say I want to not be a workaholic burnout anymore, what do you mean by relying on simmering that you don’t have? Is that something you’ve done before?
No I mean if you for example leave room in your heart for supportive friends while not having supportive friends you’re gonna have a much rougher time than if you just close the wound.
Oh. Brutal. Maybe I needed to hear that, there was a part of me that waited for way too long for “found family” until recently. Maybe at least I don’t have to feel bad about giving up on that
It’s not a judgment on whether you should or shouldn’t, but the more you leave in place the standard o0enness to/reliance on a thing, the more not having it is going yo hurt/disable you. That’s not to say it’s a binary. There are creative adaptations and shit¹, and sometimes its smart to hold out, its not purely scar tissue/bleeding. More like having a room for someone to stay, and cleaning out their shit yo be a mechanical room or gym or torture dungeon or whatever. No value judgment here; I’m not your mom.
¹with their own cost in alienation and legibility
No, that’s sound. There’s a lot of lip service paid to how fundamentally wrong and what a moral failure it is to ever be lacking something. You know, like in the current crisis of meaning that men in my culture are widely experiencing. But very little discussion about what addressing that lack even looks like, so I appreciate your weighing in. Also for not judging my torture room.
I can only speak from experience, but I’m willing to bet that “bitch-made” is low-effort projection on their part, NGL. 🤌🏼
FWIW, I’ve nearly died/been killed ~7x now, IIRC, and I’m fully fragile AF these days.
While still unreliably heroic in short bursts (like dwarves hunting uruk across the steppe), there’s a hefty non-zero chance that my internal Not Today, Death engine sputters & chokes at the starting line, too. Might even need a flatbed to get to triage. 🤪
No one’s journey is anyone else’s, and those that would judge you for yours in times like these? They’re cowards, and trying to shift the blame to you for how terrified they are that they’d never be able to endure what you’re going through. You can pity them, or tell them to fuck off. Regardless, you’re still a motherfuckin’ badass for sticking with it. 🤘🏼❤️🔥 Don’t suffer the backbirths. You’re better than that.
Thanks Otter. Just knowing it’s plausible helps me string together a through-line that tracks with my experience as I remember it. There’s a realistic narrative missing from my culture about what a man should do after devastation so I appreciate hearing people talk about it in ways that don’t include caricatures of cowardice.
So, so thanks for still being alive to speak your truth. 🤘