Yeah, what the title says.

When I try to explain to friends or family how difficult it makes things in a relationship when one person (me) has ADHD they never get it and I often get the impression they think my wife is overreacting.

I understand that they want to support me but they aren’t helping, it just makes me angry. I know that it’s not all my fault but I want them to understand what a mental and emotional burden it can be to be the partner of an ADHD-person. Even when I tell them that our problems are typical for ADHD-partnerships, that everything I’ve read about it tell exactly the same story that we have been going through, it doesn’t really make an impression and I want to scream at them “please for fuck’s sake believe what I’m telling you!!”

Ugh.

Edit: Looking at the comments and reading my post again I feel like I should have phrased it differently:

What bothers me is not that people don’t get how much I struggle with ADHD. What bothers me is that they can’t seem to comprehend how mentally and emotionally draining it can be to be the partner of someone with ADHD and seem to have very little understanding or sympathy for my partner. And that makes me so mad because everyone seems to think I’m this great person and my wife must be overreacting.

  • dellhiver@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    6·
    3 days ago

    Thanks, I do spend a lot of time overthinking.

    Now and again I come up with something that works. I still from time to time just want to run away from everything.

    I wouldn’t say I figured a lot out, but what has really helped is having a partner who understands my triggers, and what triggers her.

    For example, perhaps one of us is in a heated conversation and our voice is starting to raise. The other will make a visual signal, or gently touch a shoulder or hand. To bring awareness that things are heading in the wrong direction.

    Often we will simply avoid certain situations altogether. Or find other mitigations. Like wearing Loops (ear things that block out some sounds). Take fidget toys, sweets etc.

    Really, we just spend a lot of time talking to each other about what makes us each individually angry, uncomfortable, anxious. Then try to change our behaviour. At the very least attempt to make very small steps to soften this that grate each other.

    We were both in several really bad relationships. The main takeaway was, don’t let things stew. It is really hard, but talk about things asap. Perhaps the hardest thing is finding someone who is willing to listen and share as well, and not react badly.

    In many ways this sort of relationship stuff is far more logic than emotion.

    Often just talking and the other person listening (and not giving any solutions, just sympathy) is enough.

    With that all being said, take this with a huge bucket of salt. This is advice from a compete stranger. Search around for other opinions. Just don’t ask Chatgpt.