I don’t know where to begin, so I’m just going to put words on ‘paper’

I’m 33 and got out of a serious relationship ~6 months ago.

I’m looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with, and recently met someone that is a perfect fit for me on paper in so many ways, however there is a thought or feeling I just can’t escape. I feel there is a lack of chemistry/attraction.

My new potential partner and I have been seeing each other for about a month, and have spent many days and nights together. She is objectively good looking and anyone would be lucky to have her multiple of my friends have said wow she’s really pretty when they’ve met her however I don’t feel the chemistry/attraction and I think I know where it comes from.

My ex was extremely feminine and we had insane chemistry from the start, the new potential partner I’m dating isn’t feminine and is quite masculine in physical and behavioral ways and I think that’s a turn off for me. I didn’t even realize femininity mattered this much to me.

I feel insane for thinking of breaking things off with an objectively attractive, successful women who’s logistics fit so well with mine it’s honestly like finding a needle in a haystacks.

I feel stuck constantly fighting questions like:

  • Am I just full of shit and looking for a unicorn that doesn’t exist?
  • Should I listen to my heart and feelings and let go of this because - it doesn’t feel right?
  • I’m getting old and want to settle down, should I priorities logistics and accept good enough?
  • Am I just overly picky? Can I afford to be this picky?

My heart is telling me one thing, my head another. Help

  • ThrowAwayForObvReasons@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
    1·
    2 months ago

    Logistics matter, if one of you badly wants kids and the other doesn’t at all that’s a deal-breaker no matter how madly in love you are.

    People who pretend logistics don’t matter are naive.

    Should a 40 year old women who wants kids date a 25 year old student who lives on a different continent and firmly believes he doesn’t want kids just because they are madly in love? No obviously not.

    Logistics matter.

    Love matters equally, I never said it didn’t. Somehow you seem to gotten it into your head that I think love doesn’t matter or that I don’t care for love, if that was true I wouldn’t have made a post literally talking about a lack of emotions/love that I feel and if others have felt the same and later found it.

    • beetus@lemmy.worldEnglish
      11·
      2 months ago

      Your post is asking if you should ignore your lack of a deeper connection in favor of those logistics only. I’m saying that the way you describe the relationship appears to only be centered on those logistics. You seem to want more and aren’t getting that more. You should decide if you can settle for a less than ideal love for the other benefits they can offer. It seems like you already aren’t sure you can settle.

        • beetus@lemmy.worldEnglish
          11·
          2 months ago

          I must be quite the successful troll to get you to engage multiple times. Good luck with your relationship, I hope you put as much and more effort into it as you have this stupid comment chain.

          It’s ok to let a relationship go that you arent feeling the chemistry in. But it seems like you’re too focused on what you’d lose than realize that you aren’t the right fit for each other in the first place.