I don’t know where to begin, so I’m just going to put words on ‘paper’
I’m 33 and got out of a serious relationship ~6 months ago.
I’m looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with, and recently met someone that is a perfect fit for me on paper in so many ways, however there is a thought or feeling I just can’t escape. I feel there is a lack of chemistry/attraction.
My new potential partner and I have been seeing each other for about a month, and have spent many days and nights together. She is objectively good looking and anyone would be lucky to have her multiple of my friends have said wow she’s really pretty when they’ve met her however I don’t feel the chemistry/attraction and I think I know where it comes from.
My ex was extremely feminine and we had insane chemistry from the start, the new potential partner I’m dating isn’t feminine and is quite masculine in physical and behavioral ways and I think that’s a turn off for me. I didn’t even realize femininity mattered this much to me.
I feel insane for thinking of breaking things off with an objectively attractive, successful women who’s logistics fit so well with mine it’s honestly like finding a needle in a haystacks.
I feel stuck constantly fighting questions like:
- Am I just full of shit and looking for a unicorn that doesn’t exist?
- Should I listen to my heart and feelings and let go of this because - it doesn’t feel right?
- I’m getting old and want to settle down, should I priorities logistics and accept good enough?
- Am I just overly picky? Can I afford to be this picky?
My heart is telling me one thing, my head another. Help
A lot of times, chemistry/magnetic attraction just means our wounds recognize themselves in the other. This can lead to really unhealthy relationships and the perpetuation and exacerbation of unhealthy thinking and behavior, in ourselves and our partner/s.
A perceived lack of these things can mean we don’t know what healthy thinking, behavior and relationships really look like and maybe we need to take the time to recognize these things and slowly integrate them into our lives.
I don’t want to be madly in love. When and if I fall in love again, I want it to be calm, sane, predictable, and solid. It may seem boring, but part of healthy relationships is finding healthy ways to create joy and excitement. If we can do this, magnetism grows in a healthy, measured manner. In other words, we willingly develop interdependence rather than codependence.