I don’t know where to begin, so I’m just going to put words on ‘paper’

I’m 33 and got out of a serious relationship ~6 months ago.

I’m looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with, and recently met someone that is a perfect fit for me on paper in so many ways, however there is a thought or feeling I just can’t escape. I feel there is a lack of chemistry/attraction.

My new potential partner and I have been seeing each other for about a month, and have spent many days and nights together. She is objectively good looking and anyone would be lucky to have her multiple of my friends have said wow she’s really pretty when they’ve met her however I don’t feel the chemistry/attraction and I think I know where it comes from.

My ex was extremely feminine and we had insane chemistry from the start, the new potential partner I’m dating isn’t feminine and is quite masculine in physical and behavioral ways and I think that’s a turn off for me. I didn’t even realize femininity mattered this much to me.

I feel insane for thinking of breaking things off with an objectively attractive, successful women who’s logistics fit so well with mine it’s honestly like finding a needle in a haystacks.

I feel stuck constantly fighting questions like:

  • Am I just full of shit and looking for a unicorn that doesn’t exist?
  • Should I listen to my heart and feelings and let go of this because - it doesn’t feel right?
  • I’m getting old and want to settle down, should I priorities logistics and accept good enough?
  • Am I just overly picky? Can I afford to be this picky?

My heart is telling me one thing, my head another. Help

  • ThrowAwayForObvReasons@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
    21·
    2 months ago

    Thanks for the advice, I’m very much the kind of person who will check what research says about the effectiveness of treatments before trying it.

    Unfortunately science and research doesn’t support tarot card readings, so it’s not something that would work for me.

    • SuperNovaStar@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      2·
      2 months ago

      Unfortunately science and research don’t support tarot card readings

      You might want to check again :)

      I’m not saying that they predict the future or anything. That would be pretty unscientific. But the phenomenon where you engage with a story, or a work of art (like a painting, sculpture, whatever) and thereby create meaning and understand yourself better is pretty well documented. It’s the same principle - the cards give you something to think about and the free association process draws out thoughts and emotions you might not have known about.

      Of course, you can accomplish the same thing by reading a story or some poetry or going to an art museum. Or just taking a long walk and letting yourself think. Whatever works for you is what you should do!