I don’t know where to begin, so I’m just going to put words on ‘paper’

I’m 33 and got out of a serious relationship ~6 months ago.

I’m looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with, and recently met someone that is a perfect fit for me on paper in so many ways, however there is a thought or feeling I just can’t escape. I feel there is a lack of chemistry/attraction.

My new potential partner and I have been seeing each other for about a month, and have spent many days and nights together. She is objectively good looking and anyone would be lucky to have her multiple of my friends have said wow she’s really pretty when they’ve met her however I don’t feel the chemistry/attraction and I think I know where it comes from.

My ex was extremely feminine and we had insane chemistry from the start, the new potential partner I’m dating isn’t feminine and is quite masculine in physical and behavioral ways and I think that’s a turn off for me. I didn’t even realize femininity mattered this much to me.

I feel insane for thinking of breaking things off with an objectively attractive, successful women who’s logistics fit so well with mine it’s honestly like finding a needle in a haystacks.

I feel stuck constantly fighting questions like:

  • Am I just full of shit and looking for a unicorn that doesn’t exist?
  • Should I listen to my heart and feelings and let go of this because - it doesn’t feel right?
  • I’m getting old and want to settle down, should I priorities logistics and accept good enough?
  • Am I just overly picky? Can I afford to be this picky?

My heart is telling me one thing, my head another. Help

  • Cybersec@piefed.socialEnglish
    12·
    2 months ago

    Are you sure you’re completely over your ex? I ask because you compare her to her. Without that comparison how would you feel about the new person.

    • ThrowAwayForObvReasons@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      5·
      2 months ago

      I might not be 100% over my ex, it is fairly recent.

      My ex was very toxic, and admittedly so was I. I’d like to think though therapy, reflection and a lot of maturing I’ve grown into a much better person.

      To me my ex is like how some would describe heroin. Incredible high highs and blissful times, but then only to knock you down low and hurt you. I had to step away and will keep that door closed.

      I don’t think I was ever comparing my new potential partner to my ex until I tried to make sense of where my feelings might be coming from, up until now I didn’t know I cared about femininity to this degree.

      If I had never dated my ex, I think I’d still have the same dilemma I find myself in now.