While my mom doesn’t really “get it”, as she says, she seems to try to support trans people at least, and I know she supports me being a lesbian.
My dad, however, is disgusted by gay people, though he says he genuinely doesn’t care if I were to come out as gay to him (I haven’t yet because I’m afraid he won’t let me see my girlfriend anymore if I do).
I know for a fact that he is very conservative and transphobic. Yesterday, we went to the store, and the worker helping us out with what to buy was a trans woman with a trans pin and a “she/her” pin. Dad was really upset when we came out of the store, saying he didn’t feel safe around the worker, that she had no business being around me as his daughter and said she looked like a guy.
I know, as well, that living under his roof, I can’t go to my trans friend (FtM)'s house nor can he go to ours as “‘she’ doesn’t know if ‘she’s’ a man or a woman”.
I can’t even come out as genderfluid because my Dad would freak out, so I wish parents like him cared less about their beliefs and politics and cared more about how the kid felt or that the kid can spend time with their friend regardless of the parent’s own beliefs.
Your father is an insecure piece of scum who has projected his unsafe behavior on someone he hasn’t met. A store clerk is just a store clerk, what she does after hours is her business, not his. If your father can’t say “she/her” to someone that “looks like a guy,” then he has no reason to shop outside/in public.
He sees you as an tool:
not a human with will, aspirations, and in need of shelter. The roof he owns is nothing more than a roof. It won’t be there for comfort, marriage, warm hugs, protection or shopping trips. If he uses the roof as a means to exploit your behavior, he’s not a father, but a sperm donor.
As an anarchist, I know perfectly well children are their own being, with their own will, their own choices. I have to bless my children’s partners and friends as my own, since I was a child myself. My beliefs and politics are my own, and I have to respect those of the children. Forcing my will is anti-anarchist, and anti-protective of theirs.
Your father hasn’t grown at all, because you’re not his doll.