My ornithology professor was absolutely livid when she learned I joked around in the “birds aren’t real” subreddit. Apparently people really took it seriously that birds are government drones, and illegally kill them. She even cited a case that was local to us where a man was killing harriers and owls due to paranoia

Surely someone has eaten that particular onion, right? Like, there’s no chance there’s not even one single solitary person out there who has been known to unironically push the conspiracy theory that “birds aren’t real”.

That’s what birds want you to think.