In my experience, dysphoric thoughts can be contagious in a way, a particular, dysphoric way of seeing can transmit to other dysphoric trans people who may have not have considered that way of seeing.
(I am of course not implying gender dysphoria is contagious, just that my experiences with dysphoria have in the past caused other dysphoric people to have worse dysphoria.)
So as a precaution, I’ll put my cognitohazard dysphoria thoughts behind a spoiler.
dysphoric thoughts
Since vaginoplasty, my bottom dysphoria has been vastly improved - but I continue to feel remarkable “sameness” in my genitals, and that continues to be unsettling.
Even this week, twice when aroused my clit felt engorged, which I experienced as being erect, just as I was pre-op. Each time it creates a rising, panicky fear that I actually am erect down there, that I still have a penis.
Other times my labia can feel like a scrotum - they can kind of sag sometimes and look and feel like a scrotum (because that’s what they are made of), and that can be unsettling, too. I used to have the worst feeling when I could feel my scrotum slap against my thigh, and sometimes my labia can almost reproduce that same “loose” feeling down below that I dread.
These feelings have improved somewhat over time, and it’s only been three months since my surgery, so it’s still recent-ish. I don’t know how long these dysphoric feelings will continue, but I assume they will get better.
I guess I’m looking for reassurance, or at least someone else who has had similar experiences to chime in on theirs.
As a neuroscience graduate, I can tell you that the brain takes some time to rewire according to the anatomical changes. Broadly speaking it happens by two mechanisms long term potentiation (LTP) and long term depression (LTD) which cause synapses to strengthen/weaken respectively. LTP is simply if a synapse is used it gets stronger. No problem there, because most of the synapses you need are already strong. LTD is more tricky because you need activation that is weak in comparison to useful activation over time. So you need to drown out those connections over time.
If I might be so crude, you could try touching yourself in front of the mirror. Neural impulses from your eyes and hands will likely speed up the process, and help psychologically.