I am replying to your reply to this post so that I don’t earn the ire of absolutely everyone. And perhaps I will not even earn yours. Perhaps… you will find some sense in what follows.
There was an unspoken rule for Gen-X — it was in many ways as you have described here. If you got rejected by a girl… that door was closed. And there wasn’t really room for friendship. If you got burned by a girl, you moved on and didn’t even pretend to like them. Done.
You could have friends that were girls if they had boyfriends you liked. If they had boyfriends you didn’t like, you could be friends with a girl you were attracted to, but only so that she might discover you.
Where I believe I run afoul of Millenials and Gen-Z is where I remind folks we just didn’t have a lot of girls who were just friends… we considered this a fantasy or just waiting.
There was an unspoken rule for Gen-X — it was in many ways as you have described here. If you got rejected by a girl… that door was closed. And there wasn’t really room for friendship. If you got burned by a girl, you moved on and didn’t even pretend to like them. Done
I am Gen-X as well. That ‘rule’ might have been true in certain social circles, but it wasn’t a rule among my friends at all. I had lots of female friends. (I didn’t call them females though, I called them women or girls). Some of whom I had turned down in a romantic capacity, some of whom had turned me down, and some of whom were already in relationships or we just weren’t each others type.
It think the difference is all in mindset. I didn’t continue to be friends with the girls who turned me down in the hopes that one day they might change their mind. I stayed friends with them because they were cool people who I liked as people. And I hope at least the same was true for the women I had turned down.
And in the time there were even instances where I did get involved with women I had previously turned down, and with women who had turned me down. None of those relationships worked out in the long run, but we all remained friends afterwards.
I think it’s a problem to have the mindset that being friends with a girl means you are ‘just waiting’ your turn or whatever. Some women are amazing people and worth knowing as friends, it’s not all about sex. In fact it’s probably the fact that I treated my lady friends as human beings that we would end up getting together in a lot of cases. I wasn’t expecting it, or waiting on it, or ‘simping’ or whatever. I was just their friend
Where I believe I run afoul of Millenials and Gen-Z is where I remind folks we just didn’t have a lot of girls who were just friends… we considered this a fantasy or just waiting.
While even GenX had its fair share of these, the one thing I have seen in younger generations is an explosive increase in “Beta Orbiters”.
Unfortunately, this behaviour of giving attention, time, and resources - also known as simping - to a woman who has no intention of reciprocating in any fashion whatsoever, is likely screwing with several generations s of men, and is likely fuelling the rise of so-called “Incels”. Especially since the lack of reciprocity and fair play from what they provide is one of the fundamental “violations of trust” that men perceive. These young men need to learn how to shut metaphorical doors and ignore the women who have no interest in reciprocating and who will only string them along as “useful dancing monkeys”.
While even GenX had its fair share of these, the one thing I have seen in younger generations is an explosive increase in “Beta Orbiters”.
Same here, however for me that’s not a critique or criticism (I’m older Gen X) just an observation of a change in behaviour.
Like the astonishing “rise” in trans people. Once again, not a critisism, just an observation.
These young men need to learn how to shut metaphorical doors and ignore the women who have no interest in reciprocating and who will only string them along as “useful dancing monkeys”.
But it’s not just an m/f thing. I see the same thing with grifter men doing the same thing. I assume it’s some sort of peer thing with the ability of social media allowing easier contact?
That said it’s not a lot different to religion, so perhaps a thing in most humans ?
I am replying to your reply to this post so that I don’t earn the ire of absolutely everyone. And perhaps I will not even earn yours. Perhaps… you will find some sense in what follows.
There was an unspoken rule for Gen-X — it was in many ways as you have described here. If you got rejected by a girl… that door was closed. And there wasn’t really room for friendship. If you got burned by a girl, you moved on and didn’t even pretend to like them. Done.
You could have friends that were girls if they had boyfriends you liked. If they had boyfriends you didn’t like, you could be friends with a girl you were attracted to, but only so that she might discover you.
Where I believe I run afoul of Millenials and Gen-Z is where I remind folks we just didn’t have a lot of girls who were just friends… we considered this a fantasy or just waiting.
I am Gen-X as well. That ‘rule’ might have been true in certain social circles, but it wasn’t a rule among my friends at all. I had lots of female friends. (I didn’t call them females though, I called them women or girls). Some of whom I had turned down in a romantic capacity, some of whom had turned me down, and some of whom were already in relationships or we just weren’t each others type.
It think the difference is all in mindset. I didn’t continue to be friends with the girls who turned me down in the hopes that one day they might change their mind. I stayed friends with them because they were cool people who I liked as people. And I hope at least the same was true for the women I had turned down.
And in the time there were even instances where I did get involved with women I had previously turned down, and with women who had turned me down. None of those relationships worked out in the long run, but we all remained friends afterwards.
I think it’s a problem to have the mindset that being friends with a girl means you are ‘just waiting’ your turn or whatever. Some women are amazing people and worth knowing as friends, it’s not all about sex. In fact it’s probably the fact that I treated my lady friends as human beings that we would end up getting together in a lot of cases. I wasn’t expecting it, or waiting on it, or ‘simping’ or whatever. I was just their friend
I am of that generation… solidly middle GenX.
While even GenX had its fair share of these, the one thing I have seen in younger generations is an explosive increase in “Beta Orbiters”.
Unfortunately, this behaviour of giving attention, time, and resources - also known as simping - to a woman who has no intention of reciprocating in any fashion whatsoever, is likely screwing with several generations s of men, and is likely fuelling the rise of so-called “Incels”. Especially since the lack of reciprocity and fair play from what they provide is one of the fundamental “violations of trust” that men perceive. These young men need to learn how to shut metaphorical doors and ignore the women who have no interest in reciprocating and who will only string them along as “useful dancing monkeys”.
I couldn’t agree more!
Same here, however for me that’s not a critique or criticism (I’m older Gen X) just an observation of a change in behaviour.
Like the astonishing “rise” in trans people. Once again, not a critisism, just an observation.
But it’s not just an m/f thing. I see the same thing with grifter men doing the same thing. I assume it’s some sort of peer thing with the ability of social media allowing easier contact?
That said it’s not a lot different to religion, so perhaps a thing in most humans ?