I mean… he took his shot with her 5 years ago, was rejected and then stayed friends while she went through all those other guys to then come back around and try to settle for him. I can see how he’d struggle with that. I’d probably feel like a last resort in that situation too. Also I think this story is rage bait so don’t get to invested.
It’s pretty clear to me that anon carefully crafted this story, no matter how much of it is actually real, to cast himself in the best possible light and show this woman as evil. It’s telling that in doing so he didn’t even realize that it reflected poorly on him to shame her for having sex with someone who wasn’t him.
i think this isn’t the main point of this meme. he’s hurt because he wanted to have a sweet teenage romance (or what feels like it) with that girl. that’s not possible anymore.
I mean not wearing a T-Rex costume to bed could be a dealbreaker for an intimate relationship. I’d find it more understandable than the number of former partners.
We should pass a law making it legal that whenever someone deflects an argument with a non-sequitur appeal to “free speech” that they be hauled up on top of a giant pyramid and have their beating heart ripped out with an obsidian knife, their life a sacrifice to the great Sun god.
If you have any objections to my batshit insane proposal, you hate free speech and are a traitor to America… and Huītzilōpōchtli.
In many cultures and in many people’s minds - dare I say, most - sex and love are linked. If your starting assumption is that people should only have sex with others that they want to have a long term relationship with, then having a long string of partners indicates a general low level of commitment to any given partner. This would imply, given these cultural assumptions, that this person is not a good bet for a stable, long term relationship. And in cultures where chastity is seen as virtuous, these standards are applied both to men and women (if not entirely equally). A woman who is part of a conservative sect of catholicism, for example, would likely be less interested in a man who was known for sleeping around, rather than a man who has remained a virgin waiting for marriage.
Another perspective is that of fairness and dignity. Suppose OP and OP’s love interest are in middle school PE class, where they play pickup soccer. OP is good at soccer. But every day, OP’s love interest picks the rich kid over OP, because she knows that the rich kid always has their parents buy their team pizza after school. So OP sits on the bench watching the other kids play every day, and never gets pizza. Then suppose on the last day of class, the coach announces that the winning team in today’s soccer match will be guarenteed A’s for the semester. Now OP’s love interest picks OP over the rich kid. I think it would be quite understandable for OP to be put off by this behavior. They would feel like they haven’t been properly valued by their love interest, that they are now being used. I think an argument can be made that OP would be a better paragon of virtue if they let go of these bitter feelings - but at the same time, I think these feelings should be understandable to most people who make an attempt at empathy.
And another perspective, which I think is the strongest argument, is simply that people like what they like and don’t like what they don’t like. Our intrinsic sexual/emotional desires are largely not malleable. It’s time to stop pretending that people’s preferences are some kind of moral barometer. Those on the left have been making this argument for years after all. Gay men, for example, are born gay. No amount of conversion therapy changes this. Trans individuals are trans - if this were something they could change, don’t you think they would skip the social stigma and extensive medical procedures? Why wouldnt they just take the easy route of simply changing their minds, if their minds were something they could easily change? We could apply the same reasoning to, say, foot fetishists. They don’t carry the same stigma as gay or trans people, but there is still a definite stigma. And having a foot fetish entails being turned off by partners with “gross” feet. Life would be easier for them if they didn’t have this fetish. They would avoid the stigma, and their dating pool would be significantly increased - so if they had the choice, why would they not simply stop caring about feet? And we can similarly apply this logic to OP. As we can see from the comments in this thread, there is a stigma attached to caring about the number of partners a partner has had. And if you don’t care about this, you will have a much larger dating pool and life is easier. So if this were something which was easy to change, wouldn’t we expect people to change it?
As long as you’re not being a shitbag: who the fuck cares? Some people don’t like hookups, some do – and it can change depending on circumstances and what phase or like one is at.
Every day I become more convinced a lot of people get stuck at “teenager” when it comes to sex and relationships. It’s not hard: don’t be an asshole, don’t hurt people, and do what makes you happy.
I have had plenty of completely meaningless one night stands and been very happy about having fun, a nice time, feeling flirty, funny, full of lust, having and giving orgasms and enjoying nice company and the physical sensations of sex, to never see them again and be totally OK with that.
I also have deep love, admiration and connection with my partner which is just as special as a virgins first love. Because all love is great.
Can’t say that sex and love ie romantic love must go together but I’m a dude and I personally don’t enjoy the idea of commodified, hedonistic sex that’s is often peddled by the dominant culture.
To me (and to each their own) sex is pointless without a deeper connection.
Many women go from unable to climax during sex to easily doing so when a deeper connection and understanding is sought by their partner.
That isn’t to say that “meaningless” sex is bad. If both parties are down for it, by all means, have fun.
But I feel that sex is meant to be a spiritual experience. If I desire someone and they also yearn to share a deeper physical connection with me, they should feel my desire within their very essence of self, through my words and my eyes, before we even touch. Even when we do touch, intercourse would have to wait patiently in favor of foreplay so that my desire, my meaning, could first be communicated with my mind, body and everything else. Love making flows naturally from that state.
I was raised in a Western Christian nation where I grew up confused as two polar opposite attitudes towards sex prevailed. One was religious shame and guilt towards any type of sexual pleasure. The other was sexual liberation, which is undoubtedly an improvement, but it commodified sex, making it a hedonistic pursuit.
Ultimately it took reading on Indigenous thought on spirituality and intimacy, writings by Sufi poet Rumi on love and ancient Dharmic (South Asian) thought on physical intimacy (which centered sex on women’s pleasure, autonomy, and rights in sexual relationships) for me to understand what sex was for me.
This is some really disgusting co-option of LGBT identities to justify incel logic. Being gay is an intrinsic thing about someone. Judging someone for their number of past partners isn’t. One is innate, the other is cultural. You can instantly tell if you have an attraction to someone just by looking at them. A gay man looking at another man will instantly feel attraction if he’s his type. But number of partners? That’s something you can only learn by talking to someone. And there’s nothing innate about a person with more partners that makes them physically less attractive. Unless they have an STD, their body isn’t changed in any way.
People aren’t born with judgmental incel beliefs about the number of sexual partners other people have. Those are cultural practices, not innate aspects of a person’s physical being, like being gay or trans is. We have no evidence of such judgments existing among wild animals, while we have numerous examples of same-sex attraction in nature.
You had me until you brought up how many guys she fucked. Grow up anon
I mean… he took his shot with her 5 years ago, was rejected and then stayed friends while she went through all those other guys to then come back around and try to settle for him. I can see how he’d struggle with that. I’d probably feel like a last resort in that situation too. Also I think this story is rage bait so don’t get to invested.
it’s definitely incel ragebait.
It’s pretty clear to me that anon carefully crafted this story, no matter how much of it is actually real, to cast himself in the best possible light and show this woman as evil. It’s telling that in doing so he didn’t even realize that it reflected poorly on him to shame her for having sex with someone who wasn’t him.
Also, he assumes she’d even be happy with him but really he’d struggle to please a woman
You can tell that from an image of some text?
yes
But have you considered that anon can’t count past 2 so everything else is countless.
i think this isn’t the main point of this meme. he’s hurt because he wanted to have a sweet teenage romance (or what feels like it) with that girl. that’s not possible anymore.
I get what you’re saying. But if it’s so irrelevant then why bring it up??
people are allowed free speech
This is a deflection, not an answer. He’s also allowed to say she refuses to wear a T-rex cosrume in bed, but if it’s irrelevant why say it?
I mean not wearing a T-Rex costume to bed could be a dealbreaker for an intimate relationship. I’d find it more understandable than the number of former partners.
okay see that right there is a valid reason
We should pass a law making it legal that whenever someone deflects an argument with a non-sequitur appeal to “free speech” that they be hauled up on top of a giant pyramid and have their beating heart ripped out with an obsidian knife, their life a sacrifice to the great Sun god.
If you have any objections to my batshit insane proposal, you hate free speech and are a traitor to America… and Huītzilōpōchtli.
funny response, i give you that.
edit: but the difference is that yours is inciting violence.
Nice pearls, but you need not clutch them so
This is the dumbest response to a question I’ve ever received. You deserve a cookie
Teenage romance in your mid 20s?
Well technically OP is now 30 so they’re less of a teenage figuring things out, and sad person.
Yeah but before the 5 years later they would be mid 20s.
some people grow up slowly and make typical teenage experiences in their mid-20s :)
i know that because i’m one of them. :)
my dude we all got our own paths and timing. don’t rush.
Why?
In many cultures and in many people’s minds - dare I say, most - sex and love are linked. If your starting assumption is that people should only have sex with others that they want to have a long term relationship with, then having a long string of partners indicates a general low level of commitment to any given partner. This would imply, given these cultural assumptions, that this person is not a good bet for a stable, long term relationship. And in cultures where chastity is seen as virtuous, these standards are applied both to men and women (if not entirely equally). A woman who is part of a conservative sect of catholicism, for example, would likely be less interested in a man who was known for sleeping around, rather than a man who has remained a virgin waiting for marriage.
Another perspective is that of fairness and dignity. Suppose OP and OP’s love interest are in middle school PE class, where they play pickup soccer. OP is good at soccer. But every day, OP’s love interest picks the rich kid over OP, because she knows that the rich kid always has their parents buy their team pizza after school. So OP sits on the bench watching the other kids play every day, and never gets pizza. Then suppose on the last day of class, the coach announces that the winning team in today’s soccer match will be guarenteed A’s for the semester. Now OP’s love interest picks OP over the rich kid. I think it would be quite understandable for OP to be put off by this behavior. They would feel like they haven’t been properly valued by their love interest, that they are now being used. I think an argument can be made that OP would be a better paragon of virtue if they let go of these bitter feelings - but at the same time, I think these feelings should be understandable to most people who make an attempt at empathy.
And another perspective, which I think is the strongest argument, is simply that people like what they like and don’t like what they don’t like. Our intrinsic sexual/emotional desires are largely not malleable. It’s time to stop pretending that people’s preferences are some kind of moral barometer. Those on the left have been making this argument for years after all. Gay men, for example, are born gay. No amount of conversion therapy changes this. Trans individuals are trans - if this were something they could change, don’t you think they would skip the social stigma and extensive medical procedures? Why wouldnt they just take the easy route of simply changing their minds, if their minds were something they could easily change? We could apply the same reasoning to, say, foot fetishists. They don’t carry the same stigma as gay or trans people, but there is still a definite stigma. And having a foot fetish entails being turned off by partners with “gross” feet. Life would be easier for them if they didn’t have this fetish. They would avoid the stigma, and their dating pool would be significantly increased - so if they had the choice, why would they not simply stop caring about feet? And we can similarly apply this logic to OP. As we can see from the comments in this thread, there is a stigma attached to caring about the number of partners a partner has had. And if you don’t care about this, you will have a much larger dating pool and life is easier. So if this were something which was easy to change, wouldn’t we expect people to change it?
As long as you’re not being a shitbag: who the fuck cares? Some people don’t like hookups, some do – and it can change depending on circumstances and what phase or like one is at.
Every day I become more convinced a lot of people get stuck at “teenager” when it comes to sex and relationships. It’s not hard: don’t be an asshole, don’t hurt people, and do what makes you happy.
for some people sex and love are always linked
I have had plenty of completely meaningless one night stands and been very happy about having fun, a nice time, feeling flirty, funny, full of lust, having and giving orgasms and enjoying nice company and the physical sensations of sex, to never see them again and be totally OK with that.
I also have deep love, admiration and connection with my partner which is just as special as a virgins first love. Because all love is great.
Can’t say that sex and love ie romantic love must go together but I’m a dude and I personally don’t enjoy the idea of commodified, hedonistic sex that’s is often peddled by the dominant culture.
To me (and to each their own) sex is pointless without a deeper connection.
Many women go from unable to climax during sex to easily doing so when a deeper connection and understanding is sought by their partner.
That isn’t to say that “meaningless” sex is bad. If both parties are down for it, by all means, have fun.
But I feel that sex is meant to be a spiritual experience. If I desire someone and they also yearn to share a deeper physical connection with me, they should feel my desire within their very essence of self, through my words and my eyes, before we even touch. Even when we do touch, intercourse would have to wait patiently in favor of foreplay so that my desire, my meaning, could first be communicated with my mind, body and everything else. Love making flows naturally from that state.
I was raised in a Western Christian nation where I grew up confused as two polar opposite attitudes towards sex prevailed. One was religious shame and guilt towards any type of sexual pleasure. The other was sexual liberation, which is undoubtedly an improvement, but it commodified sex, making it a hedonistic pursuit.
Ultimately it took reading on Indigenous thought on spirituality and intimacy, writings by Sufi poet Rumi on love and ancient Dharmic (South Asian) thought on physical intimacy (which centered sex on women’s pleasure, autonomy, and rights in sexual relationships) for me to understand what sex was for me.
I don’t disagree with anything here, and I feel similarly
I’m absolutely not reading this novel
Okay. That’s your right.
Sir this is a Wendy’s.
No, this is Patrick
This is some really disgusting co-option of LGBT identities to justify incel logic. Being gay is an intrinsic thing about someone. Judging someone for their number of past partners isn’t. One is innate, the other is cultural. You can instantly tell if you have an attraction to someone just by looking at them. A gay man looking at another man will instantly feel attraction if he’s his type. But number of partners? That’s something you can only learn by talking to someone. And there’s nothing innate about a person with more partners that makes them physically less attractive. Unless they have an STD, their body isn’t changed in any way.
People aren’t born with judgmental incel beliefs about the number of sexual partners other people have. Those are cultural practices, not innate aspects of a person’s physical being, like being gay or trans is. We have no evidence of such judgments existing among wild animals, while we have numerous examples of same-sex attraction in nature.
Are you saying that physical attraction is the only valid type of attraction?
You’re confusing lust with attraction.
TL;DR