There are so many gems in that article.

Then I found the crown jewel: “Shit Your Pants Spell.” Review: “It really worked. Thank you.”

Yeah, I mean it’s a bit much but I’d say that one worked.

About a different spell:

“I just completed your spell, and it was successful. You will see the first results within 2–3 weeks…"

The timing was right because it was ordered in the last 10 days of August.

Then, on an episode of The Charlie Kirk Show, he told THE Taylor Swift to “Reject feminism. Submit to your husband, Taylor.”

It dawned on me: the witches didn’t even need to curse him. The Swifties will handle him now, and let’s be real, the Swifties are much scarier. Or was siccing the Swifties onto Kirk the curse actually working…?

Well shit, now we’ve got suspects!

So, did my Etsy curses work? Time will tell.

It certainly did.

And to you, Mr. Kirk: May the rash come swiftly.

I think there might have been a calibration error in there somewhere.

I would like to end this by saying that I am not a believer in gods, magic, curses, fortune tellers, astrology, or a cabal of raccoons running the global cheese trade. But if I didn’t understand the Law of Large Numbers I’d be over here trying to figure out which witches were responsible so I could set them on a quest to make me rich enough to buy my own politicians so that I could start enacting policies that help everyone.