Sorry for the unspecific headline. Basically i am confused about myself and want to ask some questions/would be happy for some recommendations on what to read upon in regards to mild Autism/ADHD.

The whole thing got sparked when i saw yesterdays meme-post about people with ADHD and Autism spectrum flying below the radar as both mask each other.

As a child i was a “troublemaker” and i was tested for ADHD multiple times, all negative. I remember getting in trouble with other kids often and my father trying to explain to me that i need to develop “antennas” for how other people feel when i talk to them. According to my parents adults often were confused when i was talking to them, because i was holding normal conversations with them at a young age and didn’t “recognize” their “default authority” as adults.

As a teenager classmates both used ADHD or Autism as insults towards me, which i furiously rejected.

I never really had many friends growing up but it got better in late teenage years and particularly when i went to university. However as much as i enjoyed spending time socializing, i never had more than two or three really close friends. People found me nerdy or quirky, but a good dose of quick jokes generally made people get along with me, although i often ended up just loosing people in a conversation when i explained things i found interesting.

When i talked about it with my wife yesterday she told me i am probably somewhere on the spectrum and to her it seems obvious. I thought i would be good in picking up social cues by now, except for being incredibly dense to flirtation attempts, both to the happiness and dismay of my wife. But apparently i am better at relating to people and understanding their motives and feelings rather than picking up on cues well.

I often can relate to the memes here, but i don’t relate to many of the strong negatives often associated with ADHD and/or Autism.

  • In the context of work i function quite well. I have resigned myself to some things being stupid and just having to be done, and i can work best if i am just given a task and a “figure it out”. Also i am usually good at anticipating the next steps needed. I am not really struggling with authority directly, even though i often take issue with who the authority is given to.
  • My places is a mess but i rarely misplace things, or it is in episodes
  • I hate dirty dishes and my sink usually is clean
  • According to my wife i am inflexible and need order in places like the kitchen, but this directly contradicts my messy room
  • When i am doing new stuff at work, i can do things well for a few months but then routine kicks in and i get bored and easily distracted (being here instead of listening closely to a meeting right now)
  • I have many unfinished projects rather than deep diving into hobbies and i rather have broad interests than overindulging in niche topics.
  • I feel happier with reasonable routines, and apparently get irritated if they are broken, even though i don’t realize that for myself as much
  • Compared to many people around me i seem more empathetic and more relating to peoples emotions even if i don’t always pick them up well
  • Small talk remains incredibly dragging
  • I hate texting or calling. Yet i feel comfortable writing a lot on the internet.
  • I had 5 years of therapy for depression/anxiety. Neither ADHD nor Autism were ever brought up by my therapist. I got better at dealing with both but it seems to be along the lines of having got bored of myself being held back by it and having developed the discipline to push through.

I guess i am mostly asking because i still feel like there is some “glass pane” or so between me and most other people. Even if have mostly positive interactions and people usually feel genuinely happy to see me, i feel like forming deeper connections remains difficult. I also feel less inclined to bother trying, even though at times i wonder if it is sufficient to have my wife and two close friends.

So after all this off my chest, i would be happy if you could help me with something to read up on regarding Autism and ADHD and milder or “well adjusted” cases of either. Would it make sense to pursue a diagnosis/treatment? Is there any point in treatment, if life generally is good?

Thank you in advance.

  • kassiopaea@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    2·
    23 hours ago

    I can relate to… every single one of those points. I’ve spent some time living in small spaces though, so I’m not so bad about my room being messy anymore. Everything else though? Yeah. I spent many years in therapy as a teenager and nobody even brought up the possibility of neurodivergence. I eventually looked into it enough to get formal diagnoses of both Autism and (mild) ADHD when I was 27. They’ve been a recurring theme but not by any means a focus of sessions with my therapist since then (I started therapy again around that time too).

    Treatment isn’t going to do anything if you feel like your quality of life is good, as you’ve basically managed to do the treatment yourself. That said, I think that therapy is generally a good thing, even for people who manage to cope well; as it can aid in deeper understanding of the self. It’s shocking how many people think they’re happy but really aren’t.

    Connecting with others is hard. Even for neurotypical people, from what I can tell. All I can really suggest is trying to meet other people who are on the spectrum. You’ll likely find other autistic people are much easier to connect with. I have my partner and a couple of close friends who are all also autistic, but I definitely haven’t figured out how to connect with neurotypical people at any meaningful level. I think that’s largely because we tend to crave deeper connection than neurotypicals, so we’re trying to connect with them more than they have any interest in connecting with anyone. That’s not a bad thing, necessarily. I think we just connect in fundamentally different ways that make it difficult (but not impossible) to maintain relationships.

    Also, I don’t have any reading material to suggest, but there are a handful of “Autism Youtubers” that I think have interesting content like Orion Kelly or Trevor Carroll.