Hey! i recently checked for adhd after i got kicked out of uni, and was in a horribol state of depression. Was insanly hard to fucos and honestly nothing felt worth to live for.
I always had issue being motivated and fucos for anything in life, and tryed to talk to my parents about it when i was around 14-16. It went like this “why is it so hard to be motivated for school and how do people able to fucos all the time”, my parents just said “its becuse you dont have any motivated for school, dear”. Then sometimes i dint wanna do stuff any my parents said “why dont you wanna do this”, and i answared “i cant fucos and this is so booring”. meanwhile most people dont have any issue with it. my parents just said “its becuse you game to much, thats why its harder to want to do stuff”.
so my whole life i just said to myself that im not motivated and gaming was a problem. Even gaming i had a hard time to do, but as long as something keept my brain busy, it was alright. and my parents just blamed motivation. speed tro some few years, and i hoped motivation would come back into my life, boom, it never did :P, and i blamed depression when i was 19-20, and tryed to get away from it, news flash, it dint :P.
so then i just kinda dint do anything for 4 years, and see if anything would improve, it dint. my parents fought i was going to univeristy, so i kinda had to lie for a long time, but i know i would probly get the same answar as always “your just lazy, or you have no discipline”. so, i kinda had no one to talk to, and i bet theres tons of people out there.
finally when i was 24 years old, i got the newletter that i was kicked out of uni after failing 3 times on same exam, and as everything, i couldnt care less :P. i just hoped to die peacefully away in some corner not doing anything, so last thing i was going to do before sue-side, was contacting psycolog. I had like a small thinking i had ADD, and maybe depression made it much worse. but i dint really chase to find out, instead of just doing the lazy strat and think the same as my parents “its just motivation”. but ye, if its that hard, better off just trying next life.
so ye, i went to my psychologist about my depression and ADHD, and boom, mid to high ADD, +depression :p. atleast it explains everything, and i felt stupid why i dint chase it earlyer, maybe becuse i fought adhd was mostly just hyperactive problems, and ADD was a minor issue that can easly live with (which you proboly can no problem). but idk, maybe i have to little motivation ahah. There was also a letter i got in my mailbox about my insurance, and what it covers, and it stood, “doesnt cover any problems with Auditory memory problem”. and honestly it gave me tons of insight what went wrong in my life, and auditory memory problem can often be misdiagnosed with ADD. BTW, i was 24 when i first saw that diagnose! my parents knew it all along.
Getting my medecine very soon! so exicted to try it, hopefully life is tolerateable after!
Growing up, I was always described with words like “spontaneous” or “spastic”. I would feel a grasp of content in school but absolutely no interest in doing whatever I deemed as “busy work”, including homework. I turned into a very mid student even through college.
After college, I got a full time job but with no real direction or aim towards anything. I was discouraged by a bad economy and always having bad feelings with interviews. Eventually I found a job in tech, and started applying myself and found that I could write software as a career, and feel mostly good at the end of the day.
It wasnt until COVID, and working from home with my wife, that I noticed how different we are about our ability to context-switch from chit-chatting and generally being social to actual productive work. I eventually broke down crying and we made changes so that I would be left mostly alone. Talking about these encounters with my therapist I eventually was told that I meet the symptoms of ADHD. Soon after I got tests and it the diagnosis was confirmed.
While things have gotten better (being able to put a name to it, and having sources of knowledge to read in has been helpful), it hasnt been a night and day difference from before. I can still get distracted, and I still have to protect my ability to focus. Most of what has been helpful is more around trying to manage my energy and mental state (sleep, proper diet, taking breaks, exercise, etc), and then trying to understand and identify when I am more likely to struggle with focusing
I got diagnosed with laziness. Years later someone looked at the full report and said “they recorded textbook symptoms, how did they miss that?”
The worst part was that I got congratulated when doing well (the stuff I didn’t even have to try at), and was punished when I didn’t produce results. It was when I was trying my hardest - to the point of burnout - that I was called lazy.
Even today that word hurts.
My mom and step dad would often call me “a lump”
yep same, thats what i said to myself whole life, as my parents planted it into my brain that i wasnt motviated, and i played ot much video games. but ye depression become way bigger early adult, which i guess wwas a sign that i just played video games cus i dint need to think about everything then, my brain was busy
I got shamed by a doctor and still haven’t gotten diagnosed.
damn, do you have a big problem with your daily life? medecine isnt like a easy outway, but for school and work i guess its an good quaility for life?
I wasn’t shamed but basically ignored by my doctor. I got diagnosed by calling an ADHD medication management clinic and getting a list of psychiatrists they worked with that did adult diagnoses. Then called them directly.
Hope you can find someone to help. Getting medication changed my life dramatically for the better.
“A LOT of people thought that they developed some sort of mental illness over COVID…” Then he rambled on for a few minutes on how those drugs are just performance enhancers for lazy people.
well hes not wrong or correct. you proboly can have so insane disicpline that you can succed with everything in life, but who wants that :P. im not far away taking my own life, and i honsetly wish i did long ago :P. but people would get hurt if i did it
Well I’ll keep it short. Godt stressed and depressed and after way too long time not dealing with ot it got so bad i begged my girlfriend for help to force me to call for help. Talked to a psychiatrist and started taking methylphenidat and now i feel a lot better. Its been one and a half year now. I still have my upps and downs, brain fog, and days with nothing but distracted brain, but over all its going better.
hey! atleast your improving, ill be soon test some meds, what have you tryed? i dont know much aobut methylphenidat, but you should try something else if it doesnt work that great?*
also your saying you got upps and downs, is it becuse of the meds, or bipolar disorder?
Meds aren’t a cure all and some days you’re trying to squeeze water out of a rock. There are just days where the brain won’t brain and all you can do is be mindful of it and work around it. The meds’ll just make it easier for you to do the things you need to do but it’s not prefect
