My dearest beloved,

You did not adequately warn me as to the nature of your missive. I was on the omnibus, and when I laid my gentle, unsullied eyes upon the impassioned strokes you traced upon the page, I lost all sense of inhibition and shamed myself in public. The whole of the carriage fixed their gazes upon me and made such shocked utterances as “What in heavens’ name?!” and “Call for the constables!” The paper slipped from my hand, and every eye among us was inescapably drawn to the lurid substance upon it. Now the cargo entire of this poor coachman is indulged in mutual, gleeful, primal self-shaming, with only the company of our fellow degenerates in abject, howling adulation of your work.

My love, I do not wish to level accusations against you, nor assign blame to such a pure and innocent soul - but it must be stated, objectively and distinctly, that this entire shameful incident could have been avoided had you only ensured, in modest and decent fashion, a forewarning upon the paper of the nakedly sensual content therein.