It makes me (18m) really sad when my bf (24m) is depressed. Sometimes he runs hot and cold and says he doesn’t know if we should break up or not but then he says it feels right to be with me and he wants to stay.
Sometimes he doesn’t like doing stuff for me even when I do stuff for him or doesn’t like my interests much but wants me to like his. However, he can’t do much of anything or talk right now because he’s very depressed.
He’s not like himself, and it’s sort of making me feel depressed. How can I help without making myself extremely depressed too? I feel like I understand why he stopped doing certain stuff, and he says he can’t show love for me like he could for his exes. He said it felt right to be my bf but that he didn’t know if we should date.
It doesn’t sound like this is a relationship that makes you happy, and you’ve just entered into an adult world of options and exploration. Personally, I wouldn’t waste time. How likely do you see this being long term and happy?
Additionally, while 18-24 isn’t necessarily a “problematic” age gap, you are in different parts of your life entirely. The amount your personality, interests, goals, social network, etc change between 18 and 24 is huge. If I had a friend that was dating an 18 year old at 24, I’d be very confused and a little concerned. When I was 18, I was still figuring out who I was, worrying about paying for college, trying and failing at relationships until I had made the mistakes and learned the lessons I needed to. When I turned 24, I was engaged, friends of mine were all graduated, some with kids, some married, and we were all well into a developing adult life. You should really take advantage of the time you have. I wouldn’t waste it on someone that isn’t willing to do the legwork to take care of themselves, much less you. You aren’t responsible for their depression, much less so at the cost of important years of your young adulthood.
Edit: I just saw your update, I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself