i’ve posted here before. i’m in an mlm relationship with my boyfriend of only 3 months. he struggles with depression and is probably addicted to video games as his coping mechanism. he said he didn’t know if he still loved me last night and that he didn’t know if we should even be dating because people would see him as a bad bf.

he also said that most of the time, he feels excited and happy to see me and hear from me as i’m the perfect bf, but sometimes he feels nothing for me due to his depression or stress and that while he usually bounces back to being happy again, he knows in his heart he likes me. he says he wants to stay with me and doesn’t want me to break up. i don’t wanna have to either.

he also says that he can’t feel love for me like he once could with his exes issac and gabriel due to trauma, although he still loves me. he barely makes time for me. sometimes he’s busy, which i get, but for the remaining time, he has time but spends 99% of it on playing games and doesn’t even “have time” to play games with me because he tends to put his interests first. he also said that he was a horrible bf, and that makes me sad, because he really isn’t. he just isn’t affectionate even if i ask him to because it’s “the way he is”.

i’ve mostly heard from others that his love for me is platonic or that he does have feelings for me, but doesn’t know what he wants.

  • jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    6·
    18 hours ago

    If you find yourself looking at a dumpster and there are flames and smoke billowing from it, it’s a dumpster fire. It’s not a camp fire. It’s just burning garbage. If you really want to roast marshmallows over it, get ready to inhale some toxic fumes.

      • Onomatopoeia@lemmy.cafeEnglish
        2·
        16 hours ago

        That’s a meaningless statement. “Toxic” has a specific definition in chemistry but isn’t useful with people.

        All that matters is are you treated the way you want to be treated?

        If not, this person isn’t for you. The “Why” doesn’t matter.

  • Rumo161@feddit.orgEnglish
    2·
    16 hours ago

    First of all i habe to say that im depresed my self so you should take my words with a grain oft Salt.

    With Depression comes a fluctuation of how you feel. Its usualy waves of a sense of feeling your emotions and numbnes with only intense hate for yourself. During those downs everything gets lost and it sounds like he is putting himself down for not feeling anything for you in that time. He might feel his love for you intensly for a month and looses his sense for it the next day.

    Im also in a relationship and i learned that for me love is mostly in the work you put in the relationship. It was hard for me to overcome my lacking drive and put in the work to show my love in little ways. We had multiple long talks about what we need and i had to work in my self to give my Partner what they need. Its not done but im already happy with where we are. I think if he is not ready to put in the work then you are negativly affected by bis Depression and thats not something you have to endure to wait for him to get better.

    Im also a sozial worker and can say that if he is not adressing his gaming adiction he will have a hard time to work in his Depression.

    Tell him how you feel about the Situation and what you need from him and if he doesnt show that he is undestanding you need to look out for your own wellbeing. Find out where your red lines are and do what you need to protect them. If he doesnt respect that its a red flag.

  • JackbyDev@programming.devEnglish
    2·
    17 hours ago

    After reading only the first paragraph I was thinking that maybe he’s just making too big of a deal about the feeling of being in love versus the state and actions about being in love, but after reading the rest I’m pretty skeptical. If he isn’t willing to make more time for you and you want more from him, then it isn’t working. We can sit here and debate about what is reasonable to ask for and what is reasonable to compromise on, but it sounds like you both have different standards of what is acceptable and what you’re willing to compromise on, so I don’t think it’s worth it.

    he also says that he can’t feel love for me like he once could with his exes issac and gabriel due to trauma, although he still loves me.

    Also, this is just a really weird thing to say to someone. If this was all your post was with nothing else I might have said he just chose his words poorly, but, in the context of everything else this is just icky.