now, i don’t know if it’s such a big deal, i’m (a trans man) just getting it “off my chest” (that’s why i posted here). i love my boyfriend, but sometimes i wish he talked more to me. i understand, though. he’s been struggling with mental health, but even when he says he’s happy, he barely has any time for me because he’s playing video games. he didn’t even want to put the game down to say hi to me or text me because he thought it was annoying to do so, so i told him i’d let him play the game. i understand he plays games when he’s bored or to cope with his life and depression, but he barely talks to me because that’s how much he loves video games. we talk a few times per day and he says stuff like that"hi, i love you" “you’re so handsome” but other than that, not really anything.
please be respectful, i don’t need a rant on how much i suck as a bf, i’m really trying to figure out what to do to help.
Maybe ask him to explain the game to you next time he’s playing. Might be a good opener to share your own hobbies and get a dialog started.
oh thanks!! he explains it sometimes but then he can’t talk to me most of the day because he’s busy with that
i watch him stream too sometimes but he often just doesn’t have time to talk to me sadly
So, long (long) term gamer here. Case in point, partner went out for dinner with a friend so I just sunk 6 hours into an old favourite (a game older than my students).
A relationship is a two way street - sometimes you do need that space for a solo hobby, other times your partner needs you. You find that balance, but not always.
Sometimes a partner wants too much alone time, sometimes they never let you be alone. Neither of partner is a bad person, it’s just a difference found in people.
The best advice is to have a chat, negotiate a little, find a middle ground where you’re both happy. My partner wanted a bit more physical affection, I wanted a bit less verbal, we found a happy mix. If you’re burning for a talk, maybe write down what you want to say to get your thoughts clear, think about your wants and needs, then have a friendly chat over tea (or video game genocide - you’d be amazed).
Right now, he’s using games as trash compactor. An emotional void where he throws himself as a form of escape. It will work less and less over time.
It’s healthier to find a more constructive hobby and spend the money he uses on games there. But he has to want it and find the will to go through it.
If he reached the point of feeling an obligation towards those games, then it’s time to start distancing himself from them. Because they’re the easier choice and complacency.
Instead of a subscription, loot boxes or daily checkpoints, take the money and use it for a course teaching a trade he feels attracted to. It will help him way much more in the long run.
Alternatively, start playing games with him and beat his ass.
thanks so much!!!
