WASHINGTON—Highlighting a growing wealth gap nationwide, the Pew Research Center published a report Wednesday that revealed the average American’s plan for retirement now involves Richard Gere falling for them after paying for sex. “Our findings suggest that the vast majority of people are now hinging their retirement on Mr. Gere spotting them on the street, […]
My retirement plan is to work until it hurts too much to work anymore, use whatever I’ve managed to save up to buy as much illegal drugs as I can get my hands on, enjoy literal bliss for however long [money ÷ cost of drugs] gets me.
Then, either 1) overdose and die, 2) go skydiving or something and just don’t pull the parachute line, or 3) murder as many neonazis as I can until one of them kills me first. Gonna depend on the mood at the time.