Usually when it’s things that are “socially expected” but don’t make sense to me in that moment. Like being asked to wait with eating food until everyone has some (still don’t really get it, but “it’s a social norm and people will feel bad” is sufficient for adult me since it’s really nbd. As a kid no one even explained that far though, just that it’a a thing you do because you do.).
In general as an adult its been pretty rare since I’ve learned it’s not worth the effort (and whatever if it makes people happy then cool), and if I really don’t wanna do something I consider pointless (like wearing a suit - which I’d first have to buy - to a wedding in 30° heat as someone who is already very uncomfortable in shorts and t shirt in 22°) people are more likely to respect it because they can’t really force me anymore.
I do think the more common one (that still happens a bunch) is when providing the why, or more generally when providing extra information. It seems to me people often assume I’m overly criticizing when I do that. Like “can you add this thing to the sheet I think it’d be helpful when <3 sentences of the context in which I think it’s good to have>” tends to get worse reactions than “can you add this thing to the sheet I think it’d be helpful”.
So same as the food thing, maybe it’s more about wanting far more detailed explanations than about wanting one at all. But to me the less detailed one often doesn’t feel like a real explanation, moreso a justification.
The other day we went to the gym with a friend and afterwards he said let’s go eat at the food court. We each got stuff from different restaurants and he got his first, so he went to get a table while I was waiting for my food. As soon as he sat down he started eating so 3 minutes later when I got there he’d finished half his meal.
I didn’t appreciate that because the whole point was to have a chill chat whereas now he was done and I felt like I had to rush because I was wasting his time with my tardiness.
dude, the reason people do that is called respect. eating first before everyone else signifies you are special and different and better than other people. waiting until everyone can eat signifies equality.
it’s not that hard to understand if you think about it for a few minutes.
so yes, if you question a tradition that is built around forming social bonds of respect… you are gonna piss people off.
it’s like going to into a church and demanding to them to explain to you their tenants. you’re just an asshole if you do that. Religion is about logic or causal explanations. it’s about submitting yourself to a higher/greater power.
Glad I now have friends that are entirely in agreement that waiting is pointless.
I would highly disagree it signifying you as anything special, it’s a random ass social norm that serves no real purpose. But yes as I’ve said I’m well aware how it makes some ppl feel so I wait when eating with anyone I don’t know well. And sure it’s not hard now, which is the part where I mentioned this kind of thing mostly happened when I was a kid.
Honestly that reaction is just proving my point lol
I suppose context is important in the needing to know why. Can you give an example of a time someone got mad?
Usually when it’s things that are “socially expected” but don’t make sense to me in that moment. Like being asked to wait with eating food until everyone has some (still don’t really get it, but “it’s a social norm and people will feel bad” is sufficient for adult me since it’s really nbd. As a kid no one even explained that far though, just that it’a a thing you do because you do.).
In general as an adult its been pretty rare since I’ve learned it’s not worth the effort (and whatever if it makes people happy then cool), and if I really don’t wanna do something I consider pointless (like wearing a suit - which I’d first have to buy - to a wedding in 30° heat as someone who is already very uncomfortable in shorts and t shirt in 22°) people are more likely to respect it because they can’t really force me anymore.
I do think the more common one (that still happens a bunch) is when providing the why, or more generally when providing extra information. It seems to me people often assume I’m overly criticizing when I do that. Like “can you add this thing to the sheet I think it’d be helpful when <3 sentences of the context in which I think it’s good to have>” tends to get worse reactions than “can you add this thing to the sheet I think it’d be helpful”.
So same as the food thing, maybe it’s more about wanting far more detailed explanations than about wanting one at all. But to me the less detailed one often doesn’t feel like a real explanation, moreso a justification.
The other day we went to the gym with a friend and afterwards he said let’s go eat at the food court. We each got stuff from different restaurants and he got his first, so he went to get a table while I was waiting for my food. As soon as he sat down he started eating so 3 minutes later when I got there he’d finished half his meal. I didn’t appreciate that because the whole point was to have a chill chat whereas now he was done and I felt like I had to rush because I was wasting his time with my tardiness.
dude, the reason people do that is called respect. eating first before everyone else signifies you are special and different and better than other people. waiting until everyone can eat signifies equality.
it’s not that hard to understand if you think about it for a few minutes.
so yes, if you question a tradition that is built around forming social bonds of respect… you are gonna piss people off.
it’s like going to into a church and demanding to them to explain to you their tenants. you’re just an asshole if you do that. Religion is about logic or causal explanations. it’s about submitting yourself to a higher/greater power.
Glad I now have friends that are entirely in agreement that waiting is pointless.
I would highly disagree it signifying you as anything special, it’s a random ass social norm that serves no real purpose. But yes as I’ve said I’m well aware how it makes some ppl feel so I wait when eating with anyone I don’t know well. And sure it’s not hard now, which is the part where I mentioned this kind of thing mostly happened when I was a kid.
Honestly that reaction is just proving my point lol