I’m a 27 year old single mom with a 12 year old son (Yes I was 15 when I had him) and I got out of a physically/sexually abusive relationship with my son’s biological father a few years ago. I haven’t had any serious relationships since then, but recently I’ve been feeling kind of lonely and exhausted since I work two jobs and take care of my son. I was planning on getting back into dating, so I was wondering if I could get a man’s perspective on how to navigate dating as a single mom since most men aren’t willing to take on my “baggage” (Hate this term). I’ve been hit on quite a few times by men my age in public places when i’m alone on the street or at the gym, but when I tell them I have a kid they seem to be immediately disinterested. (Not necessarily blaming them)

I’m looking for a long term partner who is obviously very willing to take on the task of being a father. Outside of great personal qualities, I’d like someone who can help me financially just enough so I can quit one of my jobs and provide a great life for my son. Sexual compatibility would be a bonus as well lol. I definitely want to make sure they are the one before I bring them home to my son, and I also want to make sure my son is comfortable around them as well. Dunno if I’m asking for too much? I would love some advice from a man’s perspective because it feels like there’s so much to consider. How early do I tell someone about my kid? If they are fine with a kid, are they willing to support me somewhat financially? What if my son doesn’t like them? It feels like I’m asking for so much out of a man that’s already impossible to find.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)

  • you_are_dust@lemmy.world
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    11 hours ago

    My opinion is that you should tell someone immediately that you have a child. People might disagree with this, but when dating I always said up front both that I have kids and I’m not interested in ever having more of my own. It might be different since I’m a guy and I was entering the dating scene with already having kids and the mindset that I don’t want to have more kids of my own since, in my experience, that seems to be a deal breaker for women. I spoke to a lot of women with multiple kids of their own that wanted more of their own in addition to their own plus mine and I’m not someone that ever wanted or could handle a real big family… So I have always been 100% up front about my ultimate intention because you’re just going to make things complicated if one of you really likes the other but your life goals don’t align. It will narrow your dating pool down drastically and it will likely be a longer process to find suitable guys, but you’ll be starting off on a better level. If your intention is to find something long term, its better to go in with the knowledge of what everyone’s dating goals are.