I (20f) was 13 and dated a 33 year old, jake. Here’s the thing, though. It happened 7 years ago but i still feel a bit bad for it.

We met online and jake started talking to me a lot and liking my posts on instagram. I ended up joining his small discord server that he didn’t use a lot.

He never told me his age but he would always show a picture of a teenage boy on his posts and send them to me, who looked about 14. Plus, when i confessed that he looked cute (or the boy did) and i said i liked him, he said yes when i asked him out.

things went well in the relationship. He was attentive to me, funny, I really liked him despite being young, so just puppy love.

he knew i was 13, i didn’t know his age. He, after a month of being romantic and calling me cute, wanted to get back with his ex (m20s) and told me that he was actually 33.

He felt bad and said he shouldn’t be talking to minors my age, and also said that I groomed him and tricked him into going out with me. He also said he said yes because he felt bad because i “guilt-tripped” him even though he never showed his real face and didn’t tell me he was freaking 33.

Edit: thank you for your support!! 🙏 🫂

  • Darkassassin07@lemmy.caEnglish
    41·
    2 days ago

    Woah, you are 100% not in the wrong; he is.

    HE groomed you, he was aware he’s literally criminally older than you in this scenario and He had the legal responsibility to recognize that and break off the connection AS SOON as he knew you were a minor. Then there’s the blatantly lying by presenting himself as a minor/teenager.

    He’s lucky to not be in prison right now. That’s exactly where this would and should have led if it had continued.

    and also said that I groomed him and tricked him into going out with me.

    This statement is an attempt to scare you away from reporting this to authorities, so he doesn’t face consequences for his blatantly illegal actions.

    Please don’t feel bad; you did nothing wrong. I wish you the best of luck in the future. :)

  • Notyou@sopuli.xyzEnglish
    20·
    2 days ago

    DARVO (an acronym for “deny, attack, reverse victim and offender”) is a reaction that perpetrators of wrongdoing, such as sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior.

    For anyone like me that didn’t know what other people were talking about.

    But yeah, fuck that dude. That’s some projection claiming that you groomed him. wtf.

  • Maeve@kbin.earth
    22·
    2 days ago

    What? He groomed you, used you, dumped you. Idk what the statute of limitations is, where you are, but I hope filing criminal charges is an option, and that you consider doing so.

  • aberrate_junior_beatnik (he/him)@midwest.socialEnglish
    16·
    2 days ago

    He felt bad and said he shouldn’t be talking to minors my age, and also said that I groomed him and tricked him into going out with me.

    This is DARVO bullshit, fuck this guy. You were a child.

      • friend_of_satan@lemmy.worldEnglish
        7·
        2 days ago

        Good for you for staying out of contact. It’s not surprising you still feel guilty or have conflicting emotions about it even this long after, even though this is 100% not your fault. You are the victim of abuse. You may want to talk to a therapist about it.

  • sunbrrnslapper@lemmy.worldEnglish
    23·
    2 days ago

    This guy sounds like a real creepo. You should probably report him. Normal people do not lie about their age to children.

  • Alteon@lemmy.worldEnglish
    14·
    2 days ago

    The thing that worries me…is he’s probably doing this to other people. I almost feel that you were maybe his foray into this type of behavior, and as he does it more and gets more confident with it, I worry he may eventually hurt or take advantage of someone (i.e. ask for explicit content, or ask to meet up, etc.)

  • OsrsNeedsF2P@lemmy.mlEnglish
    11·
    2 days ago

    I totally understand the feeling of guilt you have. You trusted him, you were open, and this obviously wouldn’t have happened the same way without you.

    But also, the guy was 33. You were 13. He had a huge upper hand in manipulating you, and that’s clear given that not only did he lie about his age, but also that he gaslit you after.

    I don’t even hold 20 year olds accountable for the stupid things they do. But 33? That’s the age where you’ve seen enough of the world to know what you’re doing.