The things I hear a lot are that an abuser or bully was just a kid, that she isn’t a bad person and that I’m being judgemental for saying something so mean just because I’m angry, that no one can be truly bad, that I have to forgive her, et cetera.
What actually is forgiveness? Do I have to forgive her? Sure, maybe no one can be truly bad, maybe she’s not a bad person, but I am angry. I am not saying this to her face.
Also, she knows what she’s doing and intentionally hurts others for pleasure. In my opinion, maybe not yours, that does make her a bad person. If she changes and stops it, then she isn’t a bad person anymore, but she was when I knew her.
Now that it’s a couple days later, I think I might add a thought to this. It can be invalidating, to have someone ask a victim to empathize with the bully without sufficiently recognizing the victims feelings.
I used to do this sort of thing. I would try to be objective and logical. I learned that this just made my friends feel crazy, like they might be overreacting. I’ve learned to instead start by validating peoples feelings. I try to recognize thier pain, discomfort, and anger first. And, I never blame people for feeling that anger.