The things I hear a lot are that an abuser or bully was just a kid, that she isn’t a bad person and that I’m being judgemental for saying something so mean just because I’m angry, that no one can be truly bad, that I have to forgive her, et cetera.
What actually is forgiveness? Do I have to forgive her? Sure, maybe no one can be truly bad, maybe she’s not a bad person, but I am angry. I am not saying this to her face.
Also, she knows what she’s doing and intentionally hurts others for pleasure. In my opinion, maybe not yours, that does make her a bad person. If she changes and stops it, then she isn’t a bad person anymore, but she was when I knew her.
Here’s an angry explanation / view of it. I like to think of it more like coming to an understanding of why a person would behave that way, so as you can forget them. If you’re angry, they don’t feel that, it doesn’t punish them, it only punishes you because you have to carry around that bitter feeling that taints everything. It can be seen as giving them power over you to think of them at all. Whereas if you can find an understanding, not letting them off the hook, or saying it’s ok, but just that you get why those behaviours come out of people, sometimes. Then you can pity them and look down on them, for choosing that path, so really, it’s just about flipping the power back into your hands.