The things I hear a lot are that an abuser or bully was just a kid, that she isn’t a bad person and that I’m being judgemental for saying something so mean just because I’m angry, that no one can be truly bad, that I have to forgive her, et cetera.
What actually is forgiveness? Do I have to forgive her? Sure, maybe no one can be truly bad, maybe she’s not a bad person, but I am angry. I am not saying this to her face.
Also, she knows what she’s doing and intentionally hurts others for pleasure. In my opinion, maybe not yours, that does make her a bad person. If she changes and stops it, then she isn’t a bad person anymore, but she was when I knew her.
This here. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean you have to think any better of them, just that you explain their actions differently. E.g. with a lack of empathy or reflection on their character that can be seen as being mentally ill. It doesn’t mean people shouldn’t be protected from them, but it helps (may help) to consider that some people are mentally/emotionally damaged in such a way that they had no capacity to choose to “be better”.
Accepting that e.g. a toxic upbringing might damage people to the point they are unable to avoid hurting others as much as “normal” people, that can help to move on. You can even accept that some people need to be permanently removed from society (most of silicon valley ceos are such sociopaths) without ruining your day with feelings of hate.