Yeah pills were the primary thing I did really. Heroin wasn’t common in my area until around the end of my addiction so it was something I did for a very short time.

I’m a broken person, really. I’m 38 but I’m still a child. If a road presents itself to me and I’m interested, I’ll take it, but I don’t go out actively looking because my anxiety prevents me from taking control. I would have never been able to get sober without the right circumstances.

I took suboxone off the street for several years. I’d find someone and pay for their treatment for half of what they were prescribed.

When my ex and I split she ended up being committed by her family and they took my daughter. She never used drugs, but she had severe mental problems. We ended up in court together fighting to get her back from them. It was crazy how easy it was for them to take her. At that point they had no idea about my issues with drugs because I had managed to maintain my life well enough to hide it. They went to the police and told them I had held my family hostage with a knife. It never happened so of course they had no evidence. Didn’t matter. A protective order was issued and I was unable to go anywhere near my daughter.

While we were in court they tricked her into signing a paper granting them permission to see her medical records. She figured it would just be silly shit like, “had this illness on this day, was hospitalized for a bacterial infection.” Just something to prove she had no substance abuse issues. I signed too because I hadn’t even been to the doctor since I was a kid.

Well, they got her therapy records. They were able to see all of it. The lies, the truth. It didn’t matter. Because they were therapy records they were treated as gospel. She had told her therapist about my drug problems, her use of psychedelics in the past, and that I had pretty much kept her prisoner for over a decade and regularly beat and abused her. She was diagnosed with BPD, so I wasn’t surprised by the exaggerations, but I was surprised that they took it seriously in court. I knew she had told everyone I was a monster. She had been running a smear campaign since the day I caught her cheating. She didn’t want people to think she did anything wrong. Whatever, I don’t hate her for it. Her life, her story. It’s whatever.

Because she told her therapist that I was a drug user they tested me. The judge asked me if I was going to fail. I told her that I’d been using suboxone to stay clean for years, just not legally, but if she would get me into a program I would take it seriously and do things legally.

The judge got me into the program and I’ve been there since. I’ve never failed a drug test and I’m not required to do therapy or groups any more.

As hard as all that was, I’m thankful for it.

Unfortunately my ex passed away from breast cancer last year. I was worried her family would try to take our daughter, but they know that I fully complied with the judge and did everything she asked me to do, so they haven’t.

She goes and stays with her step dad still. My ex got really lucky finding him. He’s a wonderful dude who loves my daughter almost as much as I do.

Sorry for the book. :p

Thank you for your comment. I hope you’re having a good week.