21F… been fucking depressed for so long I genuinely don’t know if I am or not anymore. I am so happy at times but then reality hits and I’m back to normal. I get attached to people I like too hard and then it makes it worse. I feel detached from everyone. I don’t rlly have anyone to talk to much because I also don’t like stressing people out or being a burden on anyone. Idk how to feel anymore. I do things like a mini getaway with my friends but as soon as it’s over and I’m back home I just get this loneliness feeling. I feel alone even in a room full of people. It sucks because people see me as this happy person who’s always laughing and giggling but deep down I’m lowkey fucking tired of this shit but I don’t wanna be that depressing person around people u know? My friends make me feel happy yes but when I talk about anything it doesn’t really change anything. I’m just tired if that makes sense? Like not wanting to be here but wanting to be here because I’m scared of not being here. Not in a suicidal way I guess but more so of a vanishing point. I do think about some deep stuff sometimes but I’d never do it. I’m too scared, I know life is great and there’s plenty I want to do in the future and explore the world but it’s so hard to stay motivated when I feel like this. I really like this guy but we like broke up but we’re still friends and I think that probably triggered everything to worsen because I’m so attached. I’m fine with being friends and all because I know my limits and my mindset is okay with it but the whole situation sucked and set me back like how I would feel in the past and I hate it.
I’m in my mid-50s and have struggled my whole life with crushing depression, paralyzing anxiety, and a pretty bad case of barely-medicated ADHD. I’m also just a person on the internet rather than your mental health professional, so these are barely guidelines. They are, however, decent guidelines on staying healthy and motivated longer.
As @[email protected] said: absolutely stabilize your sleep. The technical term for it is “sleep hygiene.” Find what works and that is your sacred ritual. Sleep hygiene takes lots of different shapes for everyone. For example, mine are:
You’ll need to find your own rhythms and what works. Don’t discount afternoon naps.
Ditto ProbablyBayesean’s suggestions on exercise and nutrition. We who struggle with mental health are utterly sick of hearing that, but in 100% of my travels, experiences, and social circle, it applies. We humans are evolved to move, a lot. And rest a lot. Even if it is just going for walks. A walk outside does wonders. So many people discount the restorative effects of a hard workout with a corollary recovery period.
Also, pay close attention to the effects of any foods on your mental state. You need to find out what that is for you. For example, most western diets, especially the Standard American Diet, are skewed towards Omega-6 and -9 EFAs, with too little Omega-3. The deleterious effects of this imbalance are well studied (ref: “Hacking of the American Mind” and “Sugar” by Robert Lustig, an endocrinologist). I called out EFAs, but it really applies to everything you put in your face. The difference in, say, a pastured-raised chicken vs a CAFO chicken are like… why these even called the same thing?!
Lustig also goes into great depth on the neurochemical differences between happiness and contentment (again underscoring ProbablyBayesean). It’s important to identify the differences and their effects on your brain. Modern society absolutely tweaks our brains to equate happiness with contentment. This is doubly hard for people who have been abused, especially if chronically abused. They are not the same, and it becomes especially clear when one reads about the neurological differences.
I’ll add one more that works for me and is a common exercise for a lot of mood dysregulation disorders: keep a gratitude journal. Write in it every morning, even just five minutes. Doesn’t have to be a lot, doesn’t have to be fancy. The gratitude exercise has something about the brain being unable to hold gratitude at the same time as negative emotions. But, for reasons I haven’t bothered to look into, it does need to be written. I initially tried keeping mine in digital format and things just didn’t stick. My bullshitspiration is there is some mind-body connection that occurs when handwriting out the entries. I find there is an added bump in my contentment in writing with my favorite pen (had it for 44 years) and using a notebook with really nice paper. But maybe I’m just weird like that.
Finally, but critically: meditation. I wish I learned earlier. I dismissed it as woo BS for far too long. It’s like a workout for your brain. There are tons of woo and non-woo resources on how to meditate. To start out, you only need a quiet place to sit for less than five minutes. Hand-in-hand with meditation is mindfulness: being in this moment. It’s hard, but it gets easier with practice. Again, so much of modern society is always trying to steal your focus and attention. You can practice mindfulness anywhere, any time. For example, brushing your teeth. Try being in the moment, noticing how the toothbrush feels in your mouth, how the toothpaste tastes, the sounds. And mindfulness grows from there. You suddenly find lots of things you do wherein you were acting mindlessly (in the psychology context).
Hope that helps.
Edit to add: get down pat your daily dances and rhythms. For example, maybe Thursday night is your laundry day. Solidify that, and it’s now your weekly ritual. Maybe you like the look of a clean kitchen in the morning (don’t underestimate how much dirty/cluttered spaces tax your brain); clean the kitchen after dinner. Your daily kit and life maintenance should be muscle memory; these are the critical tasks to your day-to-day life and you should be able to do them blind and with a broken leg*. Shit like your wallet, keys, and phone, grabbing the lunch you packed, morning stretches, evening physical therapy exercises… These dances and rhythms might not keep depression from rising up, like it do. But having all that shit be daily muscle memory keeps a bout of depression from becoming a deeper hole from which you must extricate yourself.
*Not an exaggeration. People who crew on my boat have to be able to find the radio, EPIRB, their PFD, and maneuver around the first aid kit. We all drill that blindfolded with an alternating leg tied up.