if youve never eaten tofu DO NOT TRY IT

it is so good

my nephew coerced me into trying it by calling me a pussy in front of my friends for refusing i pretended i hated it so the guys didnt think i was gay but it was so good and i cant get away with eating it in secret because my wife wont let me go to the grocery store anymore but i wouldnt want to eat it anyway because i heard it turns you into a girl

so anyway

thats why i need a manly alternative ive got these ungodly liberal cravings for tofu and theres no meatbased alternative… YET so i made this concept art using a website and now i just need to do three things

  • patent it
  • get a factory
  • figure out how to make it

if you know how to do these things please tell me how to do them

  • thefartographer@lemm.eeEnglish
    4·
    3 days ago

    How to make dumplings like a true fartographer

    1. Mix salt, flour, and water until you get a nice dough
    2. Break the dough into smaller pieces and then smash the shit out of them
    3. Add some oil or something on the outside of the dough papers
    4. Pick out some yummy vegetables and make the bigger ones smaller. Add some spices that make you say, “yeah, that’ll taste good!”
    5. Alternate between too much and too little vegetable filling
    6. Fail to properly pinch 95% of your dumplings closed
    7. Steam them in a pan or something. Forget to get a proper steaming instrument, so instead make a bed of broccoli florets with some water.
    8. Fish out the things that survived and look the most like dumplings
    9. Make your own sauce if you want to waste time, anything you dip these dumplings into will be insulted by your food abuse
    10. Lie and tell people that your dumplings didn’t come out all that bad
    11. Lie again and say that this was your first time trying and comment that it’s not bad for having never tried this before
    12. Lie for a third time and say you’re full from eating the ones that didn’t make it, then tell everyone else to eat them
    13. Wallow in your failure and wonder how many people would be insulted by your attempt
    14. Start cleaning the kitchen while crying about how you don’t deserve each kitchen gadget you’re cleaning