Didn’t you know sex is bad? It’s absolutely reprehensible and the only allowable exception is for the purposes of procreation, where you are allowed only to use the missionary position and your lawfully wedded wife is to be completely obscured by a blanket covering her entire body apart from a small hole in her crotch area. You can not look down or touch her body with your hands at any point, you should be reciting prayer the entire time and preferably keep one hand on the Bible during the whole process.

All other ways to engage with sexual acts and sexuality are unnatural, ungodly and frankly disgusting.