My parents are both dead, and the parenting techniques they employed with me were by today’s standards abusive and illegal. Similar story with Mr P, and his relationship with his parents is an example of how not to conduct familial relations, but only to be expected from such beginnings. As we both get older and time passes, it becomes increasingly evident that Mr P & I are not on the same page with a lot of things, in a way I didn’t ever anticipate could be possible, and are steadily and irrevocably drifting apart.

However, everything is a teaching moment, whether it’s about what to do or what not to. In any family, some will determinedly model appropriate behaviour and “workshop,” explain or discuss when it could’ve been better. Others are more an example of how not to be, and as such are still potentially useful while being far from admirable.

I could waffle in about this stuff for ages, but a pertinent thing I heard years ago went along the lines of, “The best part about being an adult is you get to choose which parts of your parents you get to be. You don’t have to be your parents.” It sounds like you have a more mindful attitude about parenting than previous generations in your family had. You get to build the relationship you want with your kids, we’re not condemned to repeat history. My parenting style could not be more different from my parents, and that’s a very deliberate choice of mine.