I had a teacher in high school (in Ohio) ask me if I was English. I don’t sound even remotely English, I’ve just always generally spoken in complete sentences and occasionally use multi-syllable words.

I really thought the rise of podcasts would make americans more literate

How? Podcasts are literally just people talking.

They made him wear a helmet!

“Kitty, here’s what’s wrong with the hyperloop concept …”

My small company (~120 employees) got swallowed by a giant whale (rhymes with “Crisco”) of a company like this. Except that everybody in the original small company got laid off six months later, and we had no assets whatsoever except for the “talent”. Crisco even got stuck with the lease for our recently-renovated office and had to buy it out. Our C-suite got large stock awards when we were acquired but they all got dismissed, too. I have no fucking idea why it happened.

B’Thar has been hitting the b’ottle pretty hard. Demons should have abs.

I have family on Long Island. I don’t think I’ve ever gone into a restaurant there that didn’t have a signed photo of Billy Joel hanging up. That motherfucker eats out.

Vietnamese and Cambodians are probably liking this decade a bit more.

I took German in high school and forgot it all immediately. A decade later I found myself in India studying Malayalam, the language of Kerala which is the southern-most state in the country. Very hard language to learn but as I was learning its formal grammar I was like, wait a minute this is very familiar. Turns out a German monk in the 19th Century visited Kerala and gave Malayalam its first formal grammar, which was basically just German’s grammar. So it wasn’t totally useless.

I got out of the language requirement in college by taking computer science courses, which counted as “language” only because programming languages are called what they are. It is just the dumbest fucking shit. If they were called “paradigms” or “code instruction sets” or something like that (which would be just as or more accurate than “languages”) it never would have occurred to anyone to let us computer nerds – who are already not exactly well-rounded in general – to get out of learning a real fucking language.

Hare down there

Emojis on gravestones!

Colored faces on gravestones!

“We’ll figure out the accountability mechanisms at the appropriate time,”

That would be Flight of the Pigs O’Clock.

That was like the third-smartest thing about Einstein. Second-smartest was the Theory of Relativity, and First-Smartest was leaving Germany in 1933.

Cavatappi

Aka couscous.

I also love adult chocolate milk Starbucks

a and o are on opposite end of the keyboard

Maybe the author has a Dvorak keyboard layout (a and o are next to each other there).

My dad (a chemo patient) was in the hospital with kidney problems late last year. At one point a couple of palliative care nurses came in to see him and basically told him he was dying and should go into hospice rather than continuing with chemo. My dad initially agreed but later changed his mind and told me he felt he had been pressured by these nurses. I found myself wondering if these nurses worked on commission or something and got paid by insurance companies to convince old people (on very expensive chemotherapy regimens) to give up. One of the nurses looked exactly like Jesus (the traditional white Jesus of wall art fame) and I wondered if he intentionally cultivated that specific look.

Unfortunately, my dad died less than two weeks later, so I can’t say these nurses were wrong.