Me: We haven’t evolved much in 800 thousand years. Can you please make me stop craving sugar?
Brain: Do drugs, get mad for no reason
Me: what
Brain: Here’s a dream about having sex with Barney the Dinosaur
You too?
Et tu, Barney?
As if my brain would let me sleep. We have minor social faux pas from 15 years ago that we need to review again.
Fight or flight response activated!
But the danger is gone, what do you want me to d-
FIGHT OR FLIGHT THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW
🎼 Barney is a dinosaur for your ejaculation, and when he’s tall he’s what we call an orgasmic sensation
Thanks brain!
Hey can you let me forget that cringey thing I did at summer camp? I’m in agony and it’s been thirty years
I’m sorry, did you mean ‘can I forget that important thing’?
BECAUSE YES YOU CAN!
South park had an amazing episode about addiction where Satan broke it down as being an extension of our survival instincts. The issue is we survive too easily so some people keep chasing the high they’re missing from food, hunting and shit.
| Satan | Then allow me to explain the darkness of the human soul! [moments later he’s on Stan’s bed, the fiery light gone] So you got dopamine, right? That’s the chemical that gets released in your brain whenever you do something pleasurable, like eating, sex, and that’s just nature, right? Like rabbits and fish and shit. They need dopamine so that they want to consume and reproduce.
| Stan | Okay.
| Satan | But because humans have progressed and now have access to all the shit they want whenever they want it, it’s easy for them to overdo and have dopamine problems. You know, it’s not fuckin’ rocket science, this stuff.
| Stan | So there’s nothing spiritually wrong with me?
| Satan | Fuck no! It’s like, okay, it’s like being diabetic. You know, it’s like you can eat wrong and eat wrong and chemicals get released from your liver in a weird way, you know, you’ve been eatin’ gluten and shit, and then eventually you’ve got a chemical imbalance from your liver. And something clicked, and now you’re diabetic forever, right? So like, if you keep doing something too much, eventually there’s, ummm, a dopamine fuckup, right, and you’re kind of screwed up for life.
| Stan | So what does that mean? I I can get addicted to everything so I can’t enjoy anything?
| Satan | Yeah, that’s pretty much what it means.
I did that with booze for a few years. Yeah… I had to learn Russian to pummel the fuck to death. My fault for choosing vodka as the poison of choice.
Please don’t feed your black kitties junk food and alcohol.
He has a strange desire for dorito. I think there are cat unfriendly spices in there like garlic, so my void only gets his minnows.
Pero… sabés que soy bilingüe
El void.
Ahh, if it isn’t like that.
