She was never happy with the way I was, just with how she wanted me to be. She liked the idea of me, not me. She got weirded out at me for liking girls and being born one, she tried to get me to apologize to God, become His servant, and “convert” and keeps asking me to read the Bible and form a relationship with a being I don’t believe exists. She also she found out I was genderfluid. This was the last straw for me. She asked why my pronouns were “she AND he”. I said I’m genderfluid. She asked if God made a mistake with my gender, and then said no because God never makes mistakes and I should just be a straight Christian girl forever. Is this toxicity disguised as “love” or am I overreacting?
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disguised as “love”
lol that’s not even vaguely resembling love.
It’s just bullying LOL
She asked if God made a mistake with my gender, and then said no because God never makes mistakes and I should just be a straight Christian girl forever
Well, if God never makes mistakes, why would you go against his will and be something you’re not? He made you this way and he knows best, right?
OP is atheist
No, you’re not overreacting. It’s absolutely valid to cut ties with this person. She seems to be placing her religion over your friendship. It’s just going to get more toxic because she refuses to respect your choices.
It’s a cult. Religion lacks scientific basis. At the end of the day, everyone is exploitable, some more than others. We all have needs and religion does a good job at filling in the gaps with tradeoff of ensnaring people through fear. The fear of hell largely motivates people to be coersive. The rationale is that belief is painless and comes easily and freely, and failure to do so is punished by eternal damnation. Value is placed on those who comform. People who don’t conform are a threat to the group, and members are trained to avoid temptations. It’s the devil leading them astray. It’s really fucked up, speaking as someone previously deeply religious.
Your ‘friend’ is unfortunately part of a toxic cult.
Frankly, a friend accepts you for whomever you are.
You aren’t a mistake. You are an amazing person who is realizing that perhaps some people may not be worth being around if they are going to constantly deny your own lived experience and try to use a book of fiction to beat you into their own idea of submission. A book that has been rewritten and translated to the extent that no one can ever follow it all the way properly and if they did they would seem incredibly ridiculous in today’s society.
I think you should follow your heart, it sounds like you’ve already come to some good conclusions about this. Maybe your friend will come around some day but who knows. But for now, I would start thinking about cutting contact and letting them know why you are doing that. I would also recommend seeing a therapist if at all possible. It helps so much if you can find one you trust.
Keep staying true to your self and keep listening to your guts. Follow the positive vibes. Sadly not everyone in your life is going to accept the transition. But there will always be those who will accept you. You can do this!
She is not your friend
Straight, older cis guy here saying you’re doing the right thing for you, and you are the only person you have to answer to for what choices you make about your life. Do you really think bowing to other people’s manipulations is going to end up well? Would you do what she is to anyone else? Assuming the answer is “no” (as it should be), then you’re definitely not doing anything wrong.
Just like she puts herself & her preferences first, so should you with yours.
(Sorry if my presence makes anyone uncomfortable - I like to browse “all” and saw this post. Thought my two cents might be helpful, but I’m sorry if it’s not.)
That girl is a bully and a coward.
She was like “Well, God doesn’t make mistakes, does he? Hmm? Hmm?”
She was like “Well, God doesn’t make mistakes, does he? Hmm? Hmm?”
Genesis Chapter 6 verse 6:
6 The Lord regretted that he had made human beings on the earth, and his heart was deeply troubled. 7 So the Lord said, “I will wipe from the face of the earth the human race I have created—and with them the animals, the birds and the creatures that move along the ground—for I regret that I have made them.”
Translation:
“Then why do we need to be ‘Born Again,’ hmm? And circumcisions? If God made you perfect, Some Assembly Required seems strange, hmm? Hmm?!?”
Or, if you’re feeling particularly snarky: “apparently, he does, as I’m speaking to one right now.”
E: grammar
Exactly. Bullying takes plenty of different forms. In my own life, I know of a little old lady that bullies people in a very similar way, and always falls back on the line, “I’m just trying to help!” And bullying is the mark of a coward.
Your friend, unfortunately, is probably doing what’s she’s been told is the right thing. Convincing her otherwise isn’t just about reasoning with her, it’s also overturning a lot of things that make her feel like she belongs to her group of people.
Most people that mistreat others think they’re doing the right thing or are justified in some way. But peoples’ reasons don’t really matter compared to their actions. What she’s doing is being pretty terrible to you, even if she’s been told (or genuinely believes) that it’s an act of love.
If she doesn’t cut it out, you’re more than justified in finding other people to hang out with.
She’s schizophrenic asking you to apologize to an imaginary person
