[Opens front door while holding a toy corgi in one arm] Merry Christmas! Oh my God, you made it! I thought you might be stuck at the airport for weeks! Well, because it’s such madness out there. Piper here won’t eat his treats; he can feel the tension in the air. And our Charlotte just…

ITEM #20-1389693 – SMEG 2-SLICE TOASTER, HONEYCOMB

Price: $329.95

Copy: “SMEG is known for its retro-inspired appliances designed in collaboration with some of the world’s top architects and designers. The Italian-based company teamed up with Williams Sonoma to create the Honeycomb collection, featuring bee and wildflower images set on a honeycomb pattern with gold accents. The line of beautifully decorative small kitchen appliances makes the perfect extension to our exclusive dinnerware range.”

Drew says: [Captain Hook voice] SMEG! Yes, when you need an ordinary toaster that looks like someone decorated it with contact paper, SMEG is the vendor for you. This is an appliance for people who don’t actually use appliances. You buy your fancy little honeybee toaster, then you invite Town & Country magazine into your house to take a photo of your kitchen with the toaster in it. And then, when you want an actual piece of toast, you ask your Olive to order you one via Seamless. God, the future has been such a letdown.