Yes, people can sometimes tell how you are feeling by observing you. I get that it’s an uncomfortable idea, but it isn’t always just “a guess that makes them feel good”. It is possible to have an actual skill or talent for reading other people’s current mental state or emotions, just not if you’re a Lemmy user.
Have you heard of this book and movement called “non violent communication”? It discusses the downfalls of ‘prediction’ and how to clearly speak personal needs and the value of having fair ground in relationships with a healthier way of communicating with the people you love.(because listening is love too)
There’s reading emotions and then there’s claiming you entirely feel other people’s emotions and are so confident in it that you insist the other person is lying about their feelings.
I’m going to preface this by saying that I don’t challenge people on their feelings, I just observe closely.
The line is kinda blurred since a ton of people are lying to themselves about their feelings, something I’m not immune from either. Anger is a common one that’s quite often a mask for fear or anxiety.
Reading emotional cues is a basic human sense. Otherwise we would not be naturally tribal. If you discovered you could read emotions past the age of 5, there is likely something atypical about you neurologically.
People that are good at reading emotions are wrong about the reason/cause a significant portion of the time. Like noticing someone is uncomfortable doesn’t make the reason for being uncomfortable obvious.
People misread social cues, emotional states, intent, incorrectly ascribe causality of these things, etc., all the time, every single day, constantly, for a wide array of reasons.
People with low self awareness or high overconfidence just don’t realize that they are.
You actually have to have a significant amount of humility in order to have “high eq”.
People who make an entire personality or significant personality trait out of their infallible ability to read people?
Who will outright tell people: “I know you better than you know you”?
Vast majority of the time, in the vast majority of contexts, such a person is a delusional manipulative narcissist, a cult leader / grifter scam artist type personality.
I definitively can back that up from personal experience. I tend to be quite good at detecting what emotional state people are in, but not why
Due to certain mental faults I tend to assume or believe that ita because of some error on my part, but that’s often not the case, and I’ve been wrong about it many many times. Assuming I did something wrong when in reality it was something else
Alcoholics also cause this around others. It’s why it’s called ‘the family disease’. Just cuz one person drinks doesnt mean everyone else around them doesnt get affected by it. And it doesn’t matter if they are a happy drunk. Tons of people recovering in alanon because of happy drunks in their life leaving behind the destruction of an illusion to get over and repiece together a functioning adult life.
People can sometimes tell how they themselves feel by observing others while injecting wild assumptions born from severe anxiety where they imagine scenarios.
Meet one of my exes. he decided my agency didn’t count in any of the decisions he imposed on me.
He called it empathic. I called it abusive. He later called it anxiety. It was abusive.
basic communication using good old fashion sounds coming out of the mouth and forming words to clear the air like an adult capable of respect for another adult is heavily underrated.
Oh yeah, people that call themselves empaths tend to mostly just be narcissists in my experience. Other people having agency and feelings and their own internal life makes them so uncomfortable and they decide to call that “empathy” rather than what it is.
Yes, people can sometimes tell how you are feeling by observing you. I get that it’s an uncomfortable idea, but it isn’t always just “a guess that makes them feel good”. It is possible to have an actual skill or talent for reading other people’s current mental state or emotions, just not if you’re a Lemmy user.
Have you heard of this book and movement called “non violent communication”? It discusses the downfalls of ‘prediction’ and how to clearly speak personal needs and the value of having fair ground in relationships with a healthier way of communicating with the people you love.(because listening is love too)
https://www.cnvc.org/
Also worth reading the 10 forms of twisted thinking (prediction/mindreading is one of them) https://www.counselinglibrary.org/images/PDF_Documents/CBT_Handouts/10_Forms_of_Twisted_Thinking.pdf
5b - Mindreading “Reading” others’ thoughts
Description: Anxiety/sadness/anger,
Impact: assuming the worst
Replacement: Clear communication
There’s reading emotions and then there’s claiming you entirely feel other people’s emotions and are so confident in it that you insist the other person is lying about their feelings.
true enough, I was just going off the text of the meme rather than the popular notions around “empaths”
I’m going to preface this by saying that I don’t challenge people on their feelings, I just observe closely.
The line is kinda blurred since a ton of people are lying to themselves about their feelings, something I’m not immune from either. Anger is a common one that’s quite often a mask for fear or anxiety.
Reading emotional cues is a basic human sense. Otherwise we would not be naturally tribal. If you discovered you could read emotions past the age of 5, there is likely something atypical about you neurologically.
Excuse me but I am perfectly capable of telling when I’m being thrown out of a restaurant or orgy.
well the buffet at the orgy is always on point so just skip the restaurant next time is my advice.
People that are good at reading emotions are wrong about the reason/cause a significant portion of the time. Like noticing someone is uncomfortable doesn’t make the reason for being uncomfortable obvious.
People misread social cues, emotional states, intent, incorrectly ascribe causality of these things, etc., all the time, every single day, constantly, for a wide array of reasons.
https://mindorigins.com/mind-reading-or-mammalian-instinct-why-we-misinterpret-social-cues/
People with low self awareness or high overconfidence just don’t realize that they are.
You actually have to have a significant amount of humility in order to have “high eq”.
People who make an entire personality or significant personality trait out of their infallible ability to read people?
Who will outright tell people: “I know you better than you know you”?
Vast majority of the time, in the vast majority of contexts, such a person is a delusional manipulative narcissist, a cult leader / grifter scam artist type personality.
I definitively can back that up from personal experience. I tend to be quite good at detecting what emotional state people are in, but not why
Due to certain mental faults I tend to assume or believe that ita because of some error on my part, but that’s often not the case, and I’ve been wrong about it many many times. Assuming I did something wrong when in reality it was something else
In one therapy there is this acronym called
QTIP.
Quit taking it personally.
Part of a ‘ten ways to untwist your thinking’
https://www.counselinglibrary.org/images/PDF_Documents/CBT_Handouts/10_Forms_of_Twisted_Thinking.pdf
Hey uh, that second paragraph?
I am not a psychologist, but:
unrequested unprofessional psych evaluation
Thats probably a sign of something like being raised by abusive narcissists.
Your natural instinct is ‘it has to be my fault’?
Yeah.
Because narcissists tell other people its always their fault, its their flaw or poor decision.
Its a form, or aspect or manifestation of hypervigilance.
Because you are so used to some new problem happening that is somehow, your fault or responsibility to fix, or address.
Alcoholics also cause this around others. It’s why it’s called ‘the family disease’. Just cuz one person drinks doesnt mean everyone else around them doesnt get affected by it. And it doesn’t matter if they are a happy drunk. Tons of people recovering in alanon because of happy drunks in their life leaving behind the destruction of an illusion to get over and repiece together a functioning adult life.
Alcoholics like to call this ‘charisma’.
I definitively suffer from hypervigilance, yeah, you’re correct lmao
Well the good news is:
That literally is not your fault.
You can learn to gradually undo some of those tendencies, to some extent.
My lemmy instance has a series of random… header quotes, like flavortext in a game loading screen or something.
One of them, which ironically seems to be an apocryphal, misattirubted quote, but is still a good sentiment nonetheless:
People can sometimes tell how they themselves feel by observing others while injecting wild assumptions born from severe anxiety where they imagine scenarios.
Meet one of my exes. he decided my agency didn’t count in any of the decisions he imposed on me.
He called it empathic. I called it abusive. He later called it anxiety. It was abusive.
basic communication using good old fashion sounds coming out of the mouth and forming words to clear the air like an adult capable of respect for another adult is heavily underrated.
Oh yeah, people that call themselves empaths tend to mostly just be narcissists in my experience. Other people having agency and feelings and their own internal life makes them so uncomfortable and they decide to call that “empathy” rather than what it is.
I’m saddened and grateful I’m not the only one here who associates the term with abusers.