Person: yes I was traveling…. Looking for… do you know
Long silence
Tex: yep… see I knew you were probably lost. When I saw your car I told my buddy bubba over bubba tips his hat “hey bubba I think he’s lost. Probably looking for the highway.” Are ya… looking for the highway that is.
Person: yes
Tex: ya. That’s what I figured. (Long silence but right before you say something else) you’re probably gonna want to take that road there. It’ll get you to Edna.
Person: is the highway in Edna?
Tex: no, but… you should probably go thru Edna. Less trouble that way. Then you’ll see where the old windmill used to be. Make a left”
Person: left… to the highway?
Tex: no… but that’ll get you to fire station
Person: do I need the fire station
Bubba laughs
Tex: bubba! No but you’re going to need their help with the tree that fell back in August . You didn’t really think you could move a tree that size with (gestures judgingly at your car. Regardless of the make or model) that… thing…
Bubba laughs
Tex: Bubba!
Person: uhh okay… thank you… I guess I’ll head to that fire station.
That conversation took an hour and a half but they fed you. also you have to come back next season because Mary lost her husband and you gotta do your due to help out. Then you end up just living there because after every time you help someone says “I suppose you’ll be off then won’cha. I can’t say I blame ya”
How can you leave after that?! It’s so passively judgmental!
Edit (might be adding a hat to hat here but I’m trying to reach peak texan): The good news is you can legally wear cowboy boots now and you measure a lot of thing by “heads” for quantity or “hand” for size. Plus if you ever don’t want to answer a question you can just gaze off into the distance and say “I don’t claim to know but if I’ve learned a damn thing in these dusty years is that you’ll find your answer right out there. when those answers want to find you I can’t rightly say… I’d be a damn fool to try”
Used to a know a guy named Mop who had a dog named Filanges on account of his long toes. He called me bud and gave me brisket every chance he could as long as I stayed for a conversation
He absolutely wasn’t named Irish and no one else called him Irish…
I’m just easy going and lazy. He said his name
Was Irish to me. I memorized Irish. I’m calling him Irish because he told me his name was Irish. Fuck it.
That’s painfully accurate in some places down here. And if you’re ever through that way again there’s some decent fishing in Lake Texana. Got a whole mess of catfish out there a couple of weeks back.
I’m saying “I don’t want to get shot… but I’m not afraid of getting shot. Texas is Texas but a stranger is a stranger. Let’s hit this fishing spot together first
I feel the need to do a Texas one as a Texan
Tex: you must be lost
Person: yes I was traveling…. Looking for… do you know
Long silence
Tex: yep… see I knew you were probably lost. When I saw your car I told my buddy bubba over bubba tips his hat “hey bubba I think he’s lost. Probably looking for the highway.” Are ya… looking for the highway that is.
Person: yes
Tex: ya. That’s what I figured. (Long silence but right before you say something else) you’re probably gonna want to take that road there. It’ll get you to Edna.
Person: is the highway in Edna?
Tex: no, but… you should probably go thru Edna. Less trouble that way. Then you’ll see where the old windmill used to be. Make a left”
Person: left… to the highway?
Tex: no… but that’ll get you to fire station
Person: do I need the fire station
Bubba laughs
Tex: bubba! No but you’re going to need their help with the tree that fell back in August . You didn’t really think you could move a tree that size with (gestures judgingly at your car. Regardless of the make or model) that… thing…
Bubba laughs
Tex: Bubba!
Person: uhh okay… thank you… I guess I’ll head to that fire station.
That conversation took an hour and a half but they fed you. also you have to come back next season because Mary lost her husband and you gotta do your due to help out. Then you end up just living there because after every time you help someone says “I suppose you’ll be off then won’cha. I can’t say I blame ya”
How can you leave after that?! It’s so passively judgmental!
Edit (might be adding a hat to hat here but I’m trying to reach peak texan): The good news is you can legally wear cowboy boots now and you measure a lot of thing by “heads” for quantity or “hand” for size. Plus if you ever don’t want to answer a question you can just gaze off into the distance and say “I don’t claim to know but if I’ve learned a damn thing in these dusty years is that you’ll find your answer right out there. when those answers want to find you I can’t rightly say… I’d be a damn fool to try”
Used to a know a guy named Mop who had a dog named Filanges on account of his long toes. He called me bud and gave me brisket every chance he could as long as I stayed for a conversation
Totally a tex story.
Guy named mop
Was that his real name a nickname? Who cares. I know the dogs name tho! The brisket was good and if he called on me I guess I’d stand up.
Not his real name but its the only thing anyone called him and I never knew another name for him
I once knew a guy named Irish.
He absolutely wasn’t named Irish and no one else called him Irish…
I’m just easy going and lazy. He said his name Was Irish to me. I memorized Irish. I’m calling him Irish because he told me his name was Irish. Fuck it.
That’s painfully accurate in some places down here. And if you’re ever through that way again there’s some decent fishing in Lake Texana. Got a whole mess of catfish out there a couple of weeks back.
Exactly! It’s helpful it’s just… “you in some kind of hurry?”
As for your fishing spot. I’ll answer in Texan
“Sounds great but I know how people enjoy a good spot once they found it. We’ll head out sometime together. You bring the beer.”
So, sort of like “good, fast, cheap: pick (at most) two”, except “kind, polite, fast: pick (at most) two”.
Oh, man, kind and fast. Hands down. Every time.
I’m saying “I don’t want to get shot… but I’m not afraid of getting shot. Texas is Texas but a stranger is a stranger. Let’s hit this fishing spot together first