WASHINGTON—Having thus far caved on eliminating the filibuster, advancing an adequate climate change agenda, and protecting voting rights, congressional Democrats told reporters Wednesday they were sick and tired of being blamed for cowardice on issues that, in reality, they just didn’t care about. “I’ve had it with being labeled spineless simply because, at the end of the day, I really don’t give a shit whether we tax the rich to help poor families or hungry children or whatever,” said Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY), stressing that his complete lack of interest in passing tough regulations for the financial services industry, supporting a Green New Deal, and ending the War on Terror hardly meant he was weak-willed or timid. “That’s so unfair. If these were issues Democrats truly cared about, then we’d fight the Republicans tooth and nail on them. We’d even have the guts to risk the lucrative relationships we’ve formed with powerful corporations, defense contractors, and billionaire donors. But for something like an eviction moratorium, Medicare for all, or a fracking ban? No fucking way.” Reached for comment, the hundreds of handsomely paid former Congress members now working as lobbyists and sitting on corporate boards were happy to acknowledge their utter cowardice.

WASHINGTON—Having thus far caved on eliminating the filibuster, advancing an adequate climate change agenda, and protecting voting rights, congressional Democrats told reporters Wednesday they were sick and tired of being blamed for cowardice on issues that, in reality, they just didn’t care about.

“I’ve had it with being labeled spineless simply because, at the end of the day, I really don’t give a shit whether we tax the rich to help poor families or hungry children or whatever,” said Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY), stressing that his complete lack of interest in passing tough regulations for the financial services industry, supporting a Green New Deal, and ending the War on Terror hardly meant he was weak-willed or timid.

“That’s so unfair. If these were issues Democrats truly cared about, then we’d fight the Republicans tooth and nail on them. We’d even have the guts to risk the lucrative relationships we’ve formed with powerful corporations, defense contractors, and billionaire donors.

But for something like an eviction moratorium, Medicare for all, or a fracking ban? No fucking way.” Reached for comment, the hundreds of handsomely paid former Congress members now working as lobbyists and sitting on corporate boards were happy to acknowledge their utter cowardice.

  • ɔiƚoxɘup@infosec.pubEnglish
    201·
    7 days ago

    This needs to be removed as it does not contain satire and therefore violates community rules.

  • Fedizen@lemmy.worldEnglish
    6·
    7 days ago

    This is just every transcript of interviews with John Fetterman.

    Edit: Actually they left out the part where Fetterman says “I’m a little piggy who loves to watch the light fade from people’s eyes as a state slowly kills them” before rolling around in his own excrement.

    • BakerBagel@midwest.socialEnglish
      61·
      7 days ago

      The satire is the DNC just admitingbit outright instead of sending you an email asking for money so that they can “keep fighting Donald Trump” or whatever it is that I seemingly can’t unsubscribe from.

    • theneverfox@pawb.socialEnglish
      3·
      6 days ago

      No. Actual liberals, like ones that aren’t bought and believe in things, aren’t that bad. They’re just frustrating because they lack imagination about how things could be different

      Unfortunately, we’ve basically just had neoliberals since Clinton, and so while actual liberals are pushing in the right direction, they only want to take teeny tiny baby steps to avoid threatening anyone’s bag

    • tuff_wizard@aussie.zoneEnglish
      83·
      7 days ago

      I’d say not fighting for issues you don’t care about is a bi-partisan attitude.

      But yes, keep pointing fingers at the other side, that is the path to freedom.