so, we are holding hands but she doesn’t wanna kiss or anything because she wants to wait a while so we take it slow because i started dating her a week ago. however, i am very attached and expressive with my love and she is… less?? how can we make things work and how do i make it so i change and take things slower??

Right now, i’m too bummed out and depressed to want to be romantic or attached, so that’s “good” i guess

  • Hacksaw@lemmy.ca
    5·
    1 day ago

    The key is in give and take. You do something that’s a bit more intimate than the last thing you did. Then you wait for her to match it or increase intimacy. If she never does then you go back to the last thing she did match.

    She has to KNOW that things don’t escalate without her participation.

    The alternative is that you’re the only one escalating and she’s the “gatekeeper of intimacy” which is a dynamic where no one wins.

    If you try this and it’s clear her interest in intimacy is vastly different than yours over the long term, then you should assess whether this relationship fulfills other needs such that the lack of intimacy and sexual fulfillment is acceptable to you or if there are other ways of meeting that need that’s acceptable to both of you.

  • Andrew@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    16·
    2 days ago

    It’s cute that you’re already feeling the “honeymoon” feelings, but I think you should talk to her and go at her pace so she feels comfortable too. If you’re feeling bummed, try self-care first and don’t feel pressured too much to be super attached. Maybe set goals and keep it consensual, like hand holding, then hugging, etc.

  • Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world
    7·
    2 days ago

    I wish I could help but all of my gfs have wanted to play tonsil hockey (minimum) from the first date. I’m not sure I would have the strength of mind to take things slow. I’m 100% sure I would go insane.

  • Spykee@lemmings.world
    16·
    2 days ago

    Show them your titties!
    Everybody loves titties man!
    Either they will immediately start nibbling on them or they will not react. But then, you would’ve released the tension in the air.
    Dear OP,
    Flashing them at this stage is NOT a good idea.
    Start with holding pinkies while sitting at a table. Then you can proceed to holding two fingers.
    Work your way through having their hand in yours.
    Let them know that physical touch is endearing and you want to give as well as feel this with them.
    Be at an open area and ask them if they would sit close to you. That way it’s you who is cornered and not them.
    With time, they should get comfortable with you.
    Once they are comfortable, THEN you should proceed with the earlier suggestion.